


The Raging Ghost

by Babybucky1943



Category: Marvel
Genre: Anger, Bucky gets arrested, M/M, Mentally unstable Bucky, Steve is missing, Violent Bucky, Wetting, bucky is not ashamed just angry, he needs steve, incontinence etc, mention of diapers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-10-30 10:58:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 22,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17827304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babybucky1943/pseuds/Babybucky1943
Summary: Bucky is not mentally well. He’s escaped Hydra’s clutches on his own....and all he can remember is one name. Steve. He needs Steve. Only Steve can help him gain control of himself.





	1. Chapter 1

He was bordering on rage again. Had been teetering back and forth for the past four hours between rage and despair. 

Jones was on duty to watch him tonight and was glad there were bars between him and the madman they’d apprehended. 

He was there to watch and only to intervene if he tried to seriously harm himself. He tried not to show too much interest in the prisoner. Seemed like any attention they gave him was met with more aggression. 

Jones laid his right hand gently on the butt of his tranq gun. After last night’s unsuccessful attempt to sedate him with sevoflurane up the nose, without even making him slow down, his Captain had suggested a tranq gun. It _would_ knock him out.

So far the guy had just paced angrily for the last four hours, and yelled obscenities along with one name. “Steve.”

He’d said it over and over, demanding, yelling, pleading, but not crying. There were no tears even when he whispered the name brokenly. 

He seemed to be mentally ill. Jones was pretty sure he was. Definitely didn’t have all his ducks in a row. As a cop, he had an interest in the psychology behind some of the prisoners strange and bizarre crimes. This guy was ranking at the top of the interest list right now. 

In the morning they were getting the prison psychiatrist in to evaluate him before moving him. They didn’t know if he actually talked besides swearing and saying Steve.

Jones had no idea who Steve was and beyond yelling the name out periodically, he hadn’t gotten anymore out of him. Given, he also hadn’t tried very hard. His Captain had told him not to interact. 

He was so aggressive that just walking close to the cell was dangerous. It had nearly gotten Roberts killed. He’d just tried to walk by and been grabbed lightning fast. The guy had pulled, slamming Robertsinto the bars so forcefully that he’d gone limp immediately, face smashed and bleeding onto the floor.

Between the Captain and two others they had gotten the unconscious officer out of the death grip the prisoner had on him. 

After that they stayed out of his reach.

When Jones was assigned night watch he’d been kind of glad. Everyone else had gone, leaving him alone with his thoughts and the pacing wildcat in the cell. 

He still felt a little edgy, seeing Roberts’ blood on the floor but he wasn’t letting anyone close enough to the cell to clean it up.

He’d thought maybe once the others left and it got quiet the prisoner would relax.

Wrong.

The man didn’t settle down. He kept moving, prowling, feeling the walls for possible cracks? He’d partially pulled the sink off the wall. It was hanging lopsided. The bed was a mess. The mattress was on the other side of the room, the prison blanket stuffed into the toilet. Jones had seen raging prisoners before but this was on the dark side of crazy. 

The prisoner stopped at one point and called out, “Steve?”  Staring hard at the wall. 

Jones might have laughed if he wasn’t so freaked out.

Maybe it was his name. Maybe he was seeing ghosts. Definitely not mentally well, that one.

He wished he knew the guy’s name. No one had even been able to get close enough to check if he had any ID. Once they’d gotten him cuffed, he’d been fighting hard. Their only goal was to get him into the holding cell. They’d tossed him in and slammed the door, watching helplessly as he destroyed the room. 

Jones put the book down he was trying to read, and surveyed the prisoner. He couldn’t concentrate anyway. 

His long hair was tangled from the fight and his blue eyes were dark and snapping angrily.

He was wearing black jeans, black leather boots with chains and a black leather jacket over a white T-shirt that did nothing to hide his well built pecs and slim waist. His boots and jeans were scuffed with dirt from fighting but he didn’t seem to notice.

Jones thought he might be a body builder, or a wrestler. Except for the fact that the guy had a fucking metal hand! The prosthetic was like nothing he’d ever seen! His captain thought the metal might extend up further the way he’d been throwing guys around. It had taken fourteen men to subdue the bastard! And that was when he’d been hurt! 

The hand seemed to work like a normal hand but much, much stronger. He had shown amazing dexterity with it. 

He’d been found rampaging a back alley in downtown Manhattan yelling for Steve and making a mess. Garbage cans were thrown around, windows broken; and he’d disturbed a few drug addicts. 

They had ganged up and cut him up fairly bad before he threw them around like rag dolls.

He’d had his face slashed over one eye and had an ugly bruise on his right cheek. A shallow but long cut on the side of his neck all the way to his jaw had left smeared blood on his face. 

He’d somehow miraculously healed in the last four hours though, leaving only the dried blood. 

Jones looked back at the guy when he suddenly stopped pacing, standing stock still, feet spread a little, staring at Roberts’ strangely shaped pool of blood on the floor.

“Fuck.” He toed at it with his boot through the bars. “Blood.”

Jones was starting to wonder if he was okay, when he started moving again.

“Steve.” He wasn’t yelling anymore. It sounded more like a plea.

“Who is Steve, buddy?” Jones asked. He  wasn’t really supposed to engage the prisoner but he was starting to feel sorry for the guy. He was obviously distressed. 

He was immediately pinned with a cold slate blue gaze, unblinking.

His face was beautiful, tense and angry like it was. The strong, prominent jaw covered with a bit of dark stubble, framed with the long dark hair. If Jones was gay, which he wasn’t, he would admit to being attracted. 

Jones could see now that he had small black gauges in both ears. It suited him. He looked like a major badass. 

“I can’t help you if you don’t give me more information.” He tried to meet the steady gaze, feeling like he was in front of a firing squad. The guy had a death glare. Jones tried to hate it but he couldn’t. He was getting hopelessly interested in the prisoner. That was exactly what the captain had wanted to avoid.

Jones watched with awe as the leather jacket came off, revealing that it was not just a hand but a whole arm. The plates fit together perfectly, whirring softly as he moved. 

Very slowly the metal arm came up, middle finger straight up. “I. Need. Steve.”

Jones fell silent after the “fuck you” and sat back trying to go back to his book. He had to try and forget about the guy. He didn’t want the help of anyone but this Steve.

 At least the guy had more than obscenities in his vocabulary.

Good to know.

 


	2. Chapter 2

He might have slept for a few minutes on the cold floor. The overwhelming rage he’d felt at being locked up had calmed a bit. He flexed both hands then pushed to his feet. He’d taken off his boots and jacket for now but only because he didn’t want to have them destroyed. 

The cop from the night before was still sitting in the chair, watching him with soft, brown eyes. His caramel coloured skin had a few wrinkles. 

There was only one thing on his mind. He had to figure out where Steve was. _Who_ Steve was. He’d escaped from his former captors just yesterday morning. The transport vehicle had stopped and for once he had not been locked into his seat. (Someone had ignored protocol) The Soldier had snuck out of the transport while the others were all distracted and run away. It wasn’t hard to hide. Manhattan was big and crowded. 

He had wanted to find Steve; before the chair could wipe away the memory again. The commander had mentioned the name a day or two ago and it had triggered something in his memories. He would have found Steve too if he hadn’t been apprehended by the police. 

He would have resumed pacing but the feeling of warm wetness spreading down the inside of his thighs stopped him. He looked down in confusion. That wasn’t supposed to happen!

The officer got up and came near but not close enough to be grabbed. “You just pissed your pants, buddy.”

He rolled his eyes and gave the cop a sarcastic sneer. “No shit!”

“I can get you some clean pants but I need you to step away from the cell door.”

The prisoner eyed the tranquilizer gun and stepped into the middle of the room.

“Remove your pants,” the cop ordered.

He complied, stripping out of the wet jeans and setting them aside.

The officer did a wide eyed double take at the fact that he was diapered. “Oh...” he said softly in sudden understanding. “You’re not toilet trained.”

The prisoner gave him a slanted look and shrugged. This guy was a little slow. 

Saying Jones was surprised was accurate but he also knew many mentally ill patients struggled with continence issues. However, this now presented a whole new set of problems. He needed to be taken care of.

He would need to contact medical. With a heavy sigh he coded the medic on call and asked him to come to the holding cell for a diaper change.

Tyler showed up two minutes later, with his black bag, surveying the prisoner.

The captive immediately started making threatening gestures towards the new person.

“He’s scared,” Tyler said, watching him intently. “Is this the first you’ve seen him like this?”

“In the diaper?” Jones asked. “Yeah. No one’s been able to get close enough to him to see anything, let alone touch him.”

“I meant scared,” Tyler amended.

“He’s been aggressive ever since we brought him in.” Jones was finding it hard not to stare at the prisoner’s muscular thighs and calves. Everything about him screamed raw power. 

Tyler was not a small guy by any stretch. He was six foot four and weighed at least three hundred and fifty pounds because he was often called on to deal with unruly and aggressive patients. He got some things out of his bag. “Let me into the cell.”

Jones shook his head in disagreement but unlocked the door, keeping the tranq gun aimed. If anyone could handle this guy, he could.

Tyler slowly approached the prisoner, holding his hands out slightly so he could see that he was only holding a dry diaper, latex gloves, a change pad, and a small package of wet wipes.

The captive screamed angrily, calling him names. Finally he yelled, “Steve!”

Tyler stopped and ,without turning away, asked Jones, “Who’s Steve?”

“Hell, if I knew we’d all be a lot happier! He’s been asking for Steve since he got here!”

Tyler reached out and lay the change pad on the floor. “What the hell happened to his bed?”

Jones gave another long suffering sigh. “He went bananas on it.”

Tyler patted the change pad. “You wanna be changed?”

He was given a long slanty eyed look and then the prisoner lay down, as calm as you please.

Tyler slipped on the gloves and removed the wet diaper. “Oh gosh...Jones, I need an antiseptic wipe.

“Why?” Jones asked slowly, handing him his bag.

“He’s pierced. And it looks sore.”

Jones looked at him in a shade of curious horror. “Pierced? As in...” He didn’t finish his sentence.

Tyler just nodded. “Yeah. No idea if he actually consented to it. Seems to me he must have had someone looking after him at some point.”

Now Jones kinda wanted to see but he resisted.

“Wonder if this Steve guy was that person? Sure wish we knew something more about him.”

Tyler patted the man’s leg gently. “Lift, please.”

He lifted his hips easily, obviously used to this routine. 

Tyler finished changing him and gave him a pair of sweats. “There. That should feel better.”

“Psych should be here in about two hours to do an eval,” Jones said.

The prisoner edged away from Tyler, watching him clean up. “Want Steve.”

“Who’s Steve?” Tyler asked.

The man jittered up and down for several moments before stepping sideways to the other side of the cell. The only answer they got was “Fuck off.” 

Tyler left the cell, telling Jones to call when they needed him again. 

Jones was done at seven but he really would like to stay for the evaluation. Maybe the psychiatrist could get an answer to the question of who Steve was. Then again, watching him bounce lightly on the balls of his feet and talking in a different language, Jones thought maybe he’d just end up in a straitjacket. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Violent death in this chapter. OMC who is mean to Bucky gets killed.

The psychiatrist was an older, bald gentleman, with thick glasses and an accent.He showed up at precisely 8:00 with the captain.

Jones was still there.

The captain looked at him. “I thought you were done at seven.”

“I am,” Jones began. “I’ve discovered some things about the prisoner that may be relevant. Permission to be present for the evaluation?”

“I’m not sure that’s necessary.” The captain turned to the doctor, giving him the little information they had. He gestured to the cell. “I don’t think anyone’s been able to get close enough to touch him yet.”

“Sir?” Jones said quietly. “Tyler did.”

“What?” The captain asked, impatient confusion in his voice. “Just wait. I’ll get to you.”

Jones waited. He really really wanted to stay. Had to find out where this guy was ending up. He didn’t want to say he was _attracted_ exactly. He just felt sorry for the guy. “I am a familiar face to him. New people freak him out.”

The captain gave him a long sceptical look. “You’ve invested emotionally in him, haven’t you?”

A slight flush tinged the officer’s cheeks. Sure. That was a safe assumption for the captain to make. “I may be able to answer some questions. I’ve been observing him all night.” Jones tried to smile a bit. He’d been ogling those muscles all night not sure what the hell was wrong with him or why mr bad guy aroused him. 

The captain waved him impatiently to his chair. “Sit. We’ll get your information shortly.”

The psych, who was ,strangely enough, named Dr. Sein (pronounced sane) was standing quietly and watching the prisoner.His face didn’t register any emotion as the captive yelled angrily in some other language at him and then began pacing again. He wrote notes, watching with interest. He was getting an agitated middle finger and an icy stare now.

“Does he speak English?” Sein asked.

Jones shrugged. “He can. Doesn’t much though.”

Sein stepped closer, eyeing the metal arm. “That’s a very high tech prosthetic. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Jones watched the prisoner’s face. His eyes were fixed on the doctor and Jones saw the arm twitching angrily. He was going to attack!

“Captain!!” He was going to add a warning but immediately the captive stood at stiff attention, blue eyes wide and uncertain, shifting side to side, looking for someone.

The three men looked at the prisoner, who remained perfectly still until the captain said, “At ease.” Then he dropped his right hand, shifting from foot to foot, uncomfortably.

“He’s a soldier....” The captain said slowly in realization. “I should have guessed from his build. The hair threw me off.”

Jones was watching the soldier’s face now. Something about the title “Captain” had triggered something in him. He looked so afraid, uncertain. He probably had PTSD.

The doctor was writing furiously.

“You think maybe he’s a POW?” Jones asked the captain.

“It crossed my mind,” the captain said. “It would explain some of the odd behaviour.”

Sein paused in his writing. “He spoke Russian. Maybe he will answer questions in Russian.” He spoke softly in the foreign language.

The soldier responded with a short answer.

Sein nodded and wrote on his form.

“What did he say?” Jones asked curiously.

“He told me to go away, in more colourful terms.” Sein smiled a little. “He’s very angry.”

Jones wanted to give him sarcastic applause but contained himself. No shit!!

Sein didn’t speak much or ask many more questions. He observed. The soldier seemed to have gotten over his discomfort again. He was pacing, coming to the bars and baring his teeth at them and then going back to the far wall. 

“He’s like a frickin’ wildcat.” The captain muttered. “What are we going to do? He’ll need to be put in a regular cell.”

Jones noted that the soldier’s padded crotch looked a little soggy. “He might need to be changed first,” he said, not sure how to bring up his newfound knowledge otherwise.

The captain and Sein looked at him in question. “How’s that now?” The captain asked.

“Changed,” Jones repeated. “He’s not toilet trained.”

The men looked at him incredulously.

“Perhaps he escaped from a mental hospital,” Sein pondered aloud.

“We would have heard,” the captain said immediately. “Nothing has come across the lines.” He looked at the soldier. “How the HELL are we supposed to get close enough to change him?”

Jones looked up. “Tyler did.”

”Tyler was in the cell?!” The captain asked incredulously.

Jones nodded. 

“And he walked away??” 

Jones nodded again. “He just talked real softly to him. Not a problem.”

The captain shrugged. “Alright then. Let’s get him changed.”

“I’ll code the on call medic,” Jones said. He wondered if the soldier would let another new person touch him. Tyler was done his shift. He keyed in the medical office. Gromes was on call. Jones sighed. Gromes was not a patient or soft spoken medic. He didn’t even like him. Gromes was mean. “Need a diaper change in the holding cell,” Jones told him. 

Gromes uttered something derogatory then clicked the off button. 

Sein and the captain watched as Gromes walked in, bag in hand. “This is the big baby?” He smirked, staring at the soldier.

Jones saw a dangerous smoulder in the blue eyes. “Maybe don’t piss him off, Gromes. He’s not exactly stable.”

The medic sneered and flexed his pipes a little. “Not scared of a bitty lil convict with a wet diaper. Why isn’t he potty trained? Geez!”

“Just do your job,” the captain demanded, arms crossed. “Stop getting him riled up.”

Jones unlocked the cell. He thought the soldier looked a little tense. “It’s okay buddy,” he said softly.

Gromes stepped in, snapping his fingers. “On the floor, sissy boy.”  

Later, when Jones thought about it, he figured Gromes might have been scared of the “lil bitty convict” if he’d had the chance to think before being hit with the force of a Mac truck. 

The captive was on him in a flash, his metal hand punching the medic square in the face. Blood poured onto the floor from Gromes’ mouth and nose.

”GET SECURITY!” The captain ordered Jones.

Gromes started to fight back, trying to get a good hit in. He screamed when another punch broke his jaw, sliding in the bloody mess on the floor as he scrambled to get away. And then that metal fist was around his throat.The soldier screamed into his face in feral anger.

Gromes bloody face blanched in the face of the wild, untamed rage. He couldn’t talk due to his broken jaw and the tight grip around his throat. He was pulling vainly at the metal hand cutting off his air supply. 

The two security officers burst in but they weren’t fast enough. They didn’t dare try to get into the cell. The soldier was flinging Gromes like a rag doll. 

Gromes’ neck finally snapped as the soldier shook him harder. Nose flaring and face pale with rage, the prisoner violently threw Gromes at the bars of the cell, his body twitching a few times, blood still seeping from his mouth and nose.

The captain stood there, staring at Gromes and then at the soldier. “He just killed him.”

The security guards stared in wonder and a little terror. 

Jones nodded. “Told him not to piss the soldier off.”

Sein was a little shaky,pale and shocked. “Do you think that qualifies under “The patient displays some aggressive tendencies” ?”

Jones wasn’t sure if he was serious. “I think we better get him outta here, captain.”

The prisoner stood there, chest heaving, shirt covered in blood. He looked ready to kill the next guy who got close.

The captain nodded. “I’m going to put his picture on our scanner so that people in government division can give us some help. I have a feeling he’s not just civilian.” He raised his phone to get a picture. 

“With that shirt on?” Jones asked.

“You wanna get in there and change his shirt?” The captain gave him the side eye.

Jones looked at the prisoner. “Can I get you a clean shirt?”

He scowled, yanking off the bloody shirt and throwing it on top of the slowly cooling body of the man he’d killed.

Jones almost lost his eyeballs on that broad shouldered solid muscle mass. He could see he wasn’t the only one a little stunned by the muscular chest and arms. The guy was freaking ripped! 

Gromes had been strong but it was obvious now he hadn’t stood a chance!

Jones saw the red star on the metal shoulder first. “What’s that? Looks like a symbol.”

The captain was snapping pictures. “That’s the symbol for ‘get him the fuck outta my precinct’. He’s damn dangerous!!”

“It looks like someone mutilated him to put that arm on!” Sein said softly, looking at the rough scarring where the flesh met the metal.

The captain snapped another picture when the soldier looked their way, the arm fully visible. “If anyone knows him, we’ll know soon.” 

Sein left with the captain to upload the pictures, leaving Jones on his own again, staring at the well built body of the soldier on the other side of the bars. He didn’t know why he was aroused. 

It  rankled a little that he wasn’t staying. Jones knew it wasn’t safe. The guy was really dangerous. But god, he was so hot.

Jones wasn’t gay....he wasn’t.  He might....make an exception though for this guy. He kinda wished he’d taken the opportunity to check out that cock piercing. He blushed at his thoughts. Shaking himself, Jones looked at the prisoner. “I hope you find Steve. I’m off till tonight.”

For a moment, something vaguely human flashed in those cold blue eyes.

“Fuck off.”

Jones grinned. “Same to you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick Fury recognizes the winter soldier. 
> 
>  
> 
> Comments are most welcome! :)

Nick Fury was in his office at the SHIELD base when the alert came in. He didn’t give it much attention because he was busy. He had ten new recruits to place because Coulson was out with the Avengers in Pakistan on a top secret mission. He usually took care of the paperwork. The only avenger that hadn’t gone was Hawkeye because he’d badly sprained his ankle and Nick wasn’t much of a babysitter but there was that too. He didn’t get overwhelmed easily. If he did, he might be starting to feel it.

He finished his form and glanced at his computer screen. The headline blazed. “WE NEED STEVE”. 

Nick lay down his forms and scrolled a bit. A picture came up and he looked at it curiously. The Hydra symbol was plain as day on the bastard. What the hell did they want with Steve?

He read through the short blurb then went back to the picture again, looking at it for a full ten minutes before finally picking up the phone. It couldn’t be....could it?? He didn’t know the guy personally but he’d seen the pictures and then there were the pictures Natasha had found on the Winter Soldier. Same damn arm! Was it possible the Hydra assassin was Barnes? He grabbed Steve Rogers file while he waited on hold. He thumbed to the front of the thick file to the photo of Rogers and his best buddy Barnes. The eyes, they were the same piercing blue.

“Captain Traner,” the police captain answered.

“Nick Fury, director of SHIELD,” he said slowly. “I understand you have a guy there who’s asking for Steve. I think I know who he is.”

The captain fist pumped silently and continued to talk for another minute. They’d had to tranquilize the soldier to get Gromes’ body out of the cell and while he was out, a couple of nurses had washed him down, changed him, and gotten him dressed in the jeans that had been washed with a new T-shirt courtesy of the med bay. He was still snoozing.

It wasn’t long before the SHIELD director arrived at the precinct, looking oddly out of place in his black duster and eye patch.

Traner quickly pointed the way to the holding cell, leading the way while he talked about all the chaos the soldier had caused including the killing of one of the medical team. Fury didn’t seem fazed.

Traner let him into the cell, explaining that they’d had to knock him out.

Fury looked at a photo from his pocket then looked at the sleeping soldier. “This is James Buchanan Barnes.”

Traner opened his mouth then closed it again with a snap. Barnes?!? He stared at the sleeper then back at Fury. Barnes??? What was Bucky Barnes doing in Manhattan?? He’d been to the museum. He’d seen the pictures. Barnes had been lost back in ‘44. “How can this be Barnes?” He finally asked.

Fury pondered a moment. “You ever heard of the Winter Soldier?”

Traner shook his head.

Fury continued. “He was something of a legend. We heard the stories passed down of an assassin who went after high ranking political figures. He’d melt away before we could ever find him. We chalked it up as a ghost story.” Fury didn’t look impressed. “Then one of my highest operatives had a run in with the Winter Soldier once. That’s when we knew he was real. We still couldn’t catch him. He’s Hydra, or....was. I wonder how the hell he ended up here? Truth is, they always said Hydra brainwashed him. Being that this is Barnes, I believe it. This could get interesting.”

Traner was still trying to process that he had Bucky Barnes in his cell. “Steve!” He suddenly gasped! “Steve Rogers!”

Nick looked at him. “That’s classified. You seal it up tight. I’m taking him with me.”

“He’s dangerous,” Traner protested, rather wanting to keep the prisoner now.

“So am I,” Fury said smoothly. He had two men with him who lifted the snoring Bucky carefully and took him to the waiting car.

Once back in his seat, Nick allowed himself to breathe. How the fucking hell was he going to tell Steve that his best childhood buddy had suddenly come back from the dead? He wouldn’t say anything till next week anyway. Once they were back, then Steve could fall apart.

Barnes was still slumped limply against his security guy, drooling a little.Rod didn’t look happy to be used as a pillow.

Nick chuckled a little. “We’ll have to hire a nanny I guess. From what Traner said, he’s gonna need watching around the clock. He’s aggressive, destructive, doesn’t talk and isn’t toilet trained.”

“As long as it ain’t me!” Rod squeaked. “He sounds like a royal pain in the ass.”

Nick nodded. “When you’re a hundred years old you might be too.”

At the base, Barnes was moved to a room that was in the medical facility that could be locked for safety. They undressed him down to his T-shirt and diaper and then Nick had him fully restrained before he completely woke up. He wasn’t taking any chances.

He was starting to come around.

Fury stood there, quiet, as Bucky slowly fluttered his eyelids, trying to come awake from the drugs. He tried to raise his right arm. He realized he was tied down and immediately started fighting the restraints.

Fury hoped they’d hold. They should. They held Steve. But Steve didn’t have a metal arm.

Nick wasn’t really surprised or frightened by the fury of Barnes’ tantrum. He was disoriented at best, probably scared and not sure where he was.

Bucky screamed all manner of names and swear words at him, trying to break the restraints.He pulled, his muscles straining and making the bed groan. He roared in pain as he tried to pull his right wrist free of the metal restraint.

The one on the left was starting to give with the steady pull of the arm.

The director took a small electronic shock device and planted it on the arm, disabling it for a bit.

Finding his arm useless, Bucky tried to tear at the device with his teeth. He screamed, threatening every curse under the sun that he could think of. His right wrist was bleeding where he’d scratched it. He was still pulling at his ankles but his cries were becoming less violent.

Nick was patient and waited.

Bucky finally started to run out of steam around an hour and fifteen minutes later, his voice almost gone from screaming.

Fury brought the picture out. “I know where Steve is.”

“Fuck off!” Bucky spat out hoarsely. “I need to find him! How would you know Steve?!”

“Steve works for me,” the director answered.

“Sure,” Bucky said bitterly.

“I know who you are too,” Nick added.

Bucky looked at him with narrowed eyes. “I’m the Asset.” There was a slight sneer on his upper lip.

Nick studied him. “Your name is Bucky Barnes.”

“Bucky..” he whispered to himself, frowning.There was a minute where he seemed to be chasing a vague memory. “Get Steve.”

“Steve will be back on Sunday. Until then you will stay here.”Nick looked up as Rod came in. “We found someone, sir.”

“No!” Bucky yelled, tossing his head from side to side.

The man with Rod was large and heavy set. Nick looked him up and down. “You sure he can control a metal armed maniac with an attitude problem?”

Rod shrugged. “Let him loose and we’ll see I guess.”

Nick looked at the nanny. “Don’t piss him off. He already killed a guy who said the wrong thing.”

The man nodded and came forward. “Hello,” he said to Bucky, his voice rich and deep.

Barnes tried to pull away from the newcomer. Nick freed him from the bed, watching as the soldier rolled onto his feet smoothly on the other side of the bed, and stood tall, feet spread, arms crossed.

“You change diapers?” Nick asked.

The man looked at Nickand shook his head. “No!”

Rod slapped his forehead. “Dammit! I knew I’d forgotten something.”

Nick rolled his good eye and scowled at Rod. “Well go get somebody who DOES.”

Fury stood in the doorway, trying to anticipate Barnes’ next move.

He was watching every minute detail without moving a muscle.

Nick didn’t let his guard down for a second. “Hey buddy, why don’t you come sit on the bed? We’ll get you somethin’ to eat. You’re probably pretty hungry.” Without breaking the gaze, he said, “Dane! Get some finger food. Crackers, cheese, juice box. Stuff that’s easy to eat.”

“Yessir!” His other security guard answered and took off running.

Dane was back in less than five minutes with a tray of food.

Fury took it, closing and locking the door behind him.“Come have a seat.” He set the tray on the bedside table.

Bucky looked at him suspiciously and snarled, “Probably fucking poisoned!”

Nick shrugged and picked up a cracker, eating it with overemphasized vigour.

Bucky watched him for a second and then slowly came around. He grabbed a cracker and darted to the far side of the room again.

Nick leaned casually against the wall, leaving the plate open to Bucky’s attacks.

He had his head down, writing up a file for Barnes, but he didn’t miss when the soldier crept silently to the bed and started to eat quickly.

“Slow down,” he said after a minute. “You’re gonna choke.”

Bucky started to cough, dropping the crackers he’d been holding.

“Shit,” Fury said softly. He grabbed the juice box and squeezed a bit into the wheezing man’s mouth.

Bucky grabbed for it, drinking like a dying man.When it was empty, he got angry. “More!” He hurled the empty box across the room and was going to throw the plate but Fury saved it.

Nick beckoned to Dane. “Get two more juice boxes.”

Dane hurried off, while the director tried to keep Barnes from self destructing.

“Settle down. We’re getting more juice.”

Dane got back and quickly handed the juice to Nick.

Fury quickly popped the straw in. “Barnes!” He ordered.The guy was headed towards a tantrum again.

Bucky called him an asshole but settled down when he saw the juice box. He drained that one just as quickly. The box ended up crushed beside the first one.

Fury held up the third one. “You want this?”

Bucky reached for it.

“Sit,” Nick commanded. “On the bed.”

The soldier took a minute then slowly sat, his eyes never leaving the juice box.

“Good boy,” Fury said. “Have a sip.” He put the straw to Bucky’s lips.

When Bucky reached for it, Nick pulled it away.“No. I’ll hold it. You get sips.”

Bucky threw a cracker at him.

The director decided to ignore it and gave him a cracker. “Eat.”

Eyes flashing fire, the soldier crammed it into his mouth defiantly.

“Good boy,” Nick, praised again, bringing the straw to his lips.

It took a few more times before Bucky understood that he would get a sip after each cracker.

Then Fury got a small piece of cheese. “Eat it.”

Barnes shook his head.

“It’s cheese. Try it.” Nick brought it to his lips.

Bucky slowly pulled it into his mouth and a second later, spit it out with a yell. “Tastes like shit!”

Fury wasn’t impressed with the glob of half chewed cheese on his shoe. “That’s disgusting. Don’t be spitting out food.” He grabbed a paper towel and wiped it off.

Rod was back now with another male nurse/nanny who looked pleased to be called for duty. 

Nick opened his mouth and Rod nodded. “He changes diapers, he feeds if necessary, he can restrain a raging adult, he is soft spoken and loves working with people who have trauma.”

Fury raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like pretty good credentials. Let’s see if he takes to you.I think a reward system might work.” He explained what he’d done with the juice.

“I am Devon,” the nanny said, his voice soft and decidedly Irish.

“This is Bucky,” Fury said, stepping outside. “There are diapers, wipes, gloves and anything else you may need in that cupboard. Show me what you can do.”

When Devon entered the room, Bucky started his usual tirade again, screaming at him to leave.

Devon went towards him slowly, hands open, palm up. “It’s alright, Bucky. I’m your friend. We’ll have a good time, yeah?”

Bucky was distracted by the accent. “Hell no!” He resumed his tirade, watchingwith confusion when Devon came forward confidently anyway and reached outto touch his metal arm.

“That’s one cool prosthetic you got there! Where’d ya get it?”

“Don’t fuckin’ touch me!” He growled, but made no move to hurt the man.

Nick smiled. “He’ll do! Good thing too. I got paperwork to finish.”He turned, his long duster swishing softly and disappeared out of the medical bay.


	5. Chapter 5

Bucky remained still, watching the larger man. He didn’t feel threatened so he just stood, ready to defend himself if necessary. He was dressed like the medical personnel that used to take care of him after missions. They had always been afraid of him. This man wasn’t. Even though he had yelled at him and sworn at him. 

He didn’t know who the dark skinned man was who had been here earlier. Bucky didn’t know if he liked him, but he’d given him juice. Bucky liked juice. Commander gave him juice sometimes. 

“Can I change ya?” The man asked softly, his accent making the words sound like a lilting lullaby.

Bucky snapped his eyes to the man’s face. There was no condescension in his tone or belittling in his look. Just open and friendly invitation.

Bucky was wet. He remembered the incident earlier. Although now it would just run down his legs, should it happen again. It wasn’t comfortable though. He hated being wet. He couldn’t remember when he had ever stayed dry although he imagined at some point he must have. Others used toilets. He used diapers. He didn’t care. It saved time. He lay on the bed, pulling his shirt up slightly. “Yeah. Fine.”

The nurse made quick work of the soggy diaper and then washed his hands. “That’s better now, eh lamb?”

Bucky gave him a slit eyed look. “Ain’t a lamb, you dumb fuck!” Maybe if he kept insulting him, he’d get a reaction. 

Devon just smiled a little. “No, ye’er more of a jackass, yeah?”

Bucky smirked a little. This guy wasn’t stupid. He didn’t plan to let him past his defences though. No matter how nice he was. He was waiting for Steve. He was going to see Steve! He looked at the picture the one eyed man had left him. 

Steve was bigger than him with muscles and a crazy uniform. Captain America. He couldn’t remember that at all. But he remembered that Steve was his buddy and this proved it! They were standing close, arms around each other, laughing. 

He looked away from the photo and went to the window. Nothing much to see out there other than grass and sky. It mocked him. He would rather be out there. 

By dinner time Bucky was sick and tired of being in the room. It was making him cranky.

“Get me the fuck outta here!” He yelled at the nurse. 

The man just smiled and shrugged. “Sorry lad, I have my orders. It’s about supper anyway.”

Devon received a plate of food and two juice boxes a few minutes later. He smiled at Bucky and patted the bed. “Sit like a good laddie.” He uncovered the food.

Bucky sat hesitantly; took one look at it and shook his head. “I don’t eat that!”

“Let’s just have a try, then,” Devon cajoled, dipping the spoon into the mashed potatoes.

“No!!” Bucky yelled, rearing back, pushing the plate viciously onto the floor and flinging himself onto the other side of the bed.

He threw a pillow at the nurse. Not satisfied with that, he then took the plastic water pitcher and flung it with amazing accuracy, hitting Devon square in the chest. Water and ice poured out, soaking his shirt.

“Ye’er a little shit, you are,” Devon said calmly, grabbing a handful of paper towel. “Now ya have no supper.”

Bucky glared at him. “Not eating that.”

“Well, no. Not now,” the nurse said agreeably, “It’s all over the floor an’ I don’ think tha’ Mr. Fury wants me makin’ ya lick it up.”

Bucky crossed his arms. “Juice.” He’s spied the juice box. 

“Where’s ya manners, laddie? No one taught ya tha’ please and thanks gets ya stuff easier?” Devon asked, sticking a straw into the top of the first box.

Bucky scowled and reached for the juice. He kept a wary eye on Devon as he drained it,pointing to the other one. “More.”

“I’ll let it slide today, but ya gotta use ya words, bud.” Devon gave him the other juice box.

Bucky bounced the first one off of the nurse’s head. “Don’t like using words.”

Bucky’s dinner was cleaned off the floor and then Devon gave him some crackers again. Bucky ate, again watching Devon warily for any kind of attack.

When those were gone, the nurse told Bucky it was time for sleep.

“No.” Bucky said immediately. He stuck his lower lip out defiantly.

Devon pointed to the bed. “I know you didn’ sleep las’ night. Get in th’ bed.”

Bucky flipped him off rudely and went to the window again. “Wanna leave!”

Devon stepped silently up behind him and wrapped his large arms around him, effectively restraining him.

Bucky screamed and tried to fight his way out of his grasp. He was so angry! When he realized struggling was getting him nowhere, he sank his teeth into the nurse’s shoulder but the grip didn’t ease even a fraction.

It had worked on the commander once. He’d ....only done it once. The punishment had been severe.

This guy however seemed immune to pain. Bucky tried to kick him but it was futile. Devon was holding him in such a way that his kicks didn’t hit his captor. 

He felt a slight pinch in his neck and howled. Drugs! Not fucking again!! Regardless, he struggled, kicked, screamed, threw his head back over and over into the man’s collar bone, trying to bruise him or break a bone but the nurse seemed impervious.

Bucky started to feel very tired a few minutes later and stopped fighting.

Devon carried him to the bed, laying down with him, still keeping him gently restrained. “That’s a good lamb,” he murmured.

Bucky struggled slightly at that, snarling sleepily. “Not a fuggin’ laaamb...” He couldn’t keep his eyes open.

Devon sighed when his charge was finally still. He was a handful. Fury wasn’t kidding!!

His whole body ached from the beating he’d just received and his shoulder throbbed where Bucky bit him. He knew he had to clean it.

He’d held off on the mild sedative until it was apparent he wasn’t going to settle down. At least it had helped him fall asleep. Hopefully he would stay asleep for a few hours at least.

He slowly got up, careful not to disturb the sleeping wildcat in the bed.

He didn’t envy anyone who took him on full time. Not. At. All.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve comes home

Steve Rogers connected his shield with the hard shelled head of one of the alien enemies that were swarming out of the old building.

“Found the fucking hideout!” Tony hollered, dipping down in his flight pattern, arc reactors blasting. “Steve! I said Fuckin’!”

“You gonna say it, Steve?” Natasha asked snidely, throwing a hard elbow jab into the soft part of an alien gut. 

Steve heaved a sigh and smashed another skull. “No! It slipped out one time! Okay? Let it rest.”

“Aw c’mon!” Sam wheedled. “I missed it!” 

“Don’t disappoint Sam!” Tony quipped, doing an elegant backflip and throwing an alien up, then giving it a good kick so it went sailing away. 

“Sam is your friend,” Thor pointed out, smashing three aliens with Mjolnir. 

“I don’t-! “ Steve stumbled back as a direct hit came his way. “-Fuckin’ CARE!”

“LANGUAGE!” Tony, Nat and Bruce all chorused. Sam burst into laughter and Thor grinned. 

Steve ignored it. “We got work to do you jackasses.”

“Holy fuck! Cap’s got a language problem!” Tony said gleefully.

Any further conversation was suddenly stopped when the aliens formed a wall and started to blast back.

Bruce dived out of the way, rolling and came up roaring as the Hulk. The stupid slugs chased him anyway. He tore them apart, spraying disgusting blue goo everywhere. 

Steve wanted to quit. He was dead tired. They’d been battling these things all week and hadn’t been able to find the hideout. They’d found it now...

Steve wondered how the heck the things had managed to hide this long, unless they had just been here multiplying.

Even Thor didn’t know which strange planet these might have come from. The slug like tentacled creatures were covered in hard shells that could only be cracked with severely hard hits.

The Pakistani city had started to notice the invasion when people had started to go missing and the bodies had mostly been found, mutilated, half eaten or completely gone except for the hands and feet. Steve had nearly lost his lunch when the Avengers had been shown the police photos.

Twenty seven victims had been accounted for when they’d been called. Another four had gone missing while they hunted for the mysterious cause.

Then Steve had found the large slug alien slithering out of a sewer pipe one morning during his run. He’d reported back to Coulson who’d reported it to the police. 

Regardless, panic had followed and there had been mass chaos once the public discovered what was hiding beneath their city.

People fled or locked themselves into their houses. The city officials had begged the Avengers to help them. 

Thus, the team now found themselves having followed one of the creatures back to this place and finding more of them, many more than anyone ever wanted to encounter. 

Steve chopped at another alien. Even his enhanced body was growing weary. 

Coulson was watching everything carefully from a safe distance. He gave direction when needed. His team was going to need a shower and a long rest after this. He grimaced as blue slime sprayed over Natasha when Tony’s hit split another one of the aliens open.

“Tony!! I’m gonna get you for this later!” She vowed, landing a hard left hook to the alien attacking her. “That’s disgusting!” She shook her hair, dislodging some goo. 

“Sorry, Nat!” Tony apologized, but was laughing too hard to sound sorry. “I didn’t know it was gonna blow up like that.”

They were clearly winning now, finally. There weren’t many left.

Nat wasn’t the only one covered in blue alien guts. Steve was covered in his share as well as the Hulk and Thor. Sam had mostly missed the gut showers, since he’d been flying and shooting. 

Coulson was distracted when his phone beeped. Fury was texting. “You guys gonna make it back today?”

Coulson typed in, “Yeah. Should. Mission’s almost complete. The top secret assassin ended up being slug aliens though.”

Nick sent back an unimpressed face. “Gross. As long as it’s done.” And then a second text popped up. “Steve better have some warning. We’ve got a bit of a surprise at the base here that involves him.”

Coulson frowned. Steve needed to rest. He’d hardly slept all week. “Can it wait? He’s exhausted.”

“Afraid not,” Fury sent back. “We found Barnes, alive and.....well, alive. Crazy but alive.”

Coulson felt gut punched. Barnes. Bucky Barnes! Steve’s best friend. “How?” He finally asked. 

“Too much to text,” Fury replied. “He was the Winter Soldier.” 

Coulson was aware of the legend. Hadn’t realized it was actually true. Any intel on him had been classified above his level. How was he supposed to break this to Steve now?? All he could think to say was “okay”.

His mind was reeling. Steve was finally coming to terms with his loss. Coulson had helped him get into some good therapy and Steve had told him that he was finally starting not to feel like it was his fault that Bucky fell. He missed Bucky all the time. Wished he could talk to him... Coulson understood. 

When the team climbed onto the jet an hour later after showering at the hotel and packing their gear, Coulson was no closer to knowing what to say.

Steve, do you believe in ghosts?....No.  Steve, you said you wanted to talk to Bucky...well guess what? No not really.

Other than Tony, everyone was quiet and a little grumpy. They were all ready to go home.

Natasha pushed Tony sideways roughly as they got to the seats. “Don’t ever douse me in blue gunk again.”

He fell into the seat and just laughed. 

Steve ignored his teammates as he sat down, putting his chin in his hand as the jet lifted off.

Coulson gingerly took the seat beside him. “Hey.”

Steve didn’t really feel like talking. He was completely worn out. “Hi.” He stared out the window. He’d been thinking about Bucky almost constantly. He couldn’t sleep because he would dream of him. 

“You did great out there today.” Coulson smiled a little.

Steve looked at him, vaguely questioning. “Thanks.”

Coulson still wasn’t sure how to break the subject, so in true Coulson style he just decided to go for it. “So, I was wondering, you think Bucky would have liked fighting the aliens?”

He could have bitten his tongue off when he saw the hurt, vulnerable look Steve gave him.

“Don’t know,” Steve mumbled. Tears pricked at his eyes. Bucky’s voice echoed in his head. Over and over he heard, “Till the end of the line.” Bucky’s screams would never fade from his nightmares.His therapist said it was normal. He just wished it didn’t hurt so much.

Coulson took a deep breath. “Steve. Fury texted me earlier. There’s something you need to know before we get home.”

Steve glanced at him, pulling his head out of 1944. “What’s that?”

Phil looked at the muscular man beside him. “Good thing you’re sitting down,” he muttered.

Steve frowned. “What? Why?”

The agent wished he could be anywhere else. This was his show now. “Uh.. four days ago... Fury got an alert. Steve. They found Bucky. He’s alive.”

Steve stared at him, not comprehending the words completely. “Bucky?” He repeated, his voice a strained whisper.

Coulson nodded.

Steve stared at him, repeating Bucky’s name several times and then his pale face went ghostly white and he slumped limply in his seat.

Phil reacted immediately. “Thor! Help me! Cap fainted!”

The demi god hurried to assist.

Once Steve was able to lay down on the seat, Thor put a rolled up towel under his head.

Coulson tenderly stroked his forehead. “I’m sorry, Steve.”

Natasha looked worried. “What happened? I don’t think I’ve ever seen Steve faint!” 

“Hearing about a ghost tends to do that,” Coulson said. “There’s no way I could have softened the blow.”

Nat stared at him. “What ghost?”

“Bucky Barnes has returned.” Coulson moved so Nat could bathe Cap’s face with a napkin wet down with a water bottle.

“Steve’s....Barnes??” She asked in confusion. 

Coulson nodded. “Yeah  something about the Winter Soldier.”

Nat looked at him quickly. “Winter...Soldier?”

Steve started to move, groaning a little, making Natasha Leave the subject alone for now. 

“You okay?” Coulson asked. 

Steve opened his eyes a little then closed them again. “No.” 

Natasha patted his hand. “You will be alright, Steve. You’ve got us here.”

Steve barely acknowledged her, just a flick of his fingers against hers. Tears snuck out of his eyes to fall onto the towel under his head. Bucky was alive....

The jet was silent as each member gave Steve support while he struggled through a myriad of emotions on the flight back.

He went from sad to heavy guilt. Thor listened and sympathized as he ranted about how he should have hunted for Bucky. He felt guilty for giving up. 

By the time the jet was over American soil, he was angry. Angry at Bucky for not ever letting him know he was alive, angry at himself for not trying harder to find him in all this time, angry at the whole damn situation.

The jet landed softly on the pad at the base and Steve strode off without a word. Fury was going to get an earful.

Fury must have known because he met Steve on the top floor at the elevator doors. He didn’t seem surprised by the anger either. “Come on down to my office, Steve. We’ll talk.”

Steve yelled at him for awhile about not telling him but eventually settled down and apologized then burst into tears again.

Fury let him cry for a few minutes. “Steve. Try to breathe.” 

Steve wiped his eyes on the offered tissue and blew his nose. “Tell me please. How did you find him.” He had a desperate need to know now. 

Fury told him the whole story and then added that Bucky was not mentally stable but he wanted Steve and only Steve.

Steve felt a small surge of happiness. Bucky wanted him. 

“The nanny we hired managed to maintain his care the last four days but he’s pretty worn out,” Fury continued. “Bucky is pretty difficult.”

Steve sat on the other side of Fury’s desk, eyes red and face blotchy. “He remembers me?”

Nick took awhile to answer. “He remembers your name.”

“That’s all?” Steve asked, unwelcome tears welling up again. He was tired and upset and had had a huge shock. 

He had been hit with the news that someone very dear to him that had been dead, in fact; wasn’t. It was hard to take everything in. 

He took some deep breaths. Willing himself to calm down.

“Can I see him?”

Nick got up. “You think you’re ready?”

“Wether or not I’m ready, my mind has imagined so many things I’m making myself crazy.”Steve blew his nose again and washed his face in the staff bathroom before joining the director once more and walking towards medical.

“Is there anything else I need to know?” He asked. “You said he’s difficult?”

Nick glanced sideways at him. “He’s got a really bad attitude.”

Steve stopped and looked at Fury. “Really?”

Nick nodded. “He’s been impossible.”

Steve let out a soft chuckle. “That’s not news, Director. That’s just Bucky.”


	7. Chapter 7

Fury looked at Steve as they approached the double doors. “I don’t hear any yelling. We might be coming at a good time.”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked anxiously. “Why was he yelling?”

Fury sighed. “He’s been throwing fits over everything. He’s not happy that you’re not here yet. He doesn’t like the food we bring him, he only wants juice.”

“He’s having tantrums?” Steve clarified.

Nick nodded. “Yeah. You could say that.”

Steve nodded. “Bucky has always been one to push the rules. He never liked bland obedience. He was under my authority in the army.”

The director said, “You let him get away with throwing things and hitting people?”

Steve shook his head. “Absolutely not! Bucky never would.”

“Maybe not then, but he would now. Whatever Hydra did to him, they broke down a lot of his Brooklyn upbringing and just left the bad boy attitude.” Nick walked ahead, pushing through the double doors that led into the medical wing.

Steve followed Fury down the long brightly lit hallway to the last room and held a finger to his lips.

Steve stayed silent as they approached.

Devon was sitting on the bed with Bucky, showing him something on his tablet.

Bucky’s legs were crossed and his dark hair was covering most of the side of his face.

How many times had they sat like that on Steve’s bed, poring over a book.

Steve felt tears come to his eyes at the familiar curve of Bucky’s back, the way he cocked his head.

A warm familiarity wormed its way into his stomach. Bucky was still just as beautiful.

He saw the metal arm and looked at Fury in question.

Nick shrugged. “Prosthetic. It’s damn strong too. He killed a guy at the police station with it.”

Steve wanted to know that story! But not right now. His tired brain was trying to comprehend what was right in front of him.

Bucky’s prosthetic was silver, shiny and had the red Hydra star on it. That made Steve feel a little sick. He wondered why Bucky had been given a new arm.

As he pondered the matter, it suddenly came to him that Bucky must have lost the arm in the fall. The thought was so terrifying. Poor Bucky. Scared, alone, not dying but broken from a fall like that.

Tears slid down his cheeks and guilt stabbed at him so keenly he grabbed at his chest in pain.

He felt an arm on his shoulder and a comforting squeeze.

Fury looked at him with concern. “Cap? You good?” His voice was quiet; unwilling to alert the patient before Steve was ready to face him.

Steve nodded, unable to say anything. After a few seconds of fighting his emotions he gained control and stepped forward. “I’m ready.”

“I don’t know how he’ll react,” Nick cautioned. “He might freak out.”

Steve straightened his shoulders, ran his sweaty palms over his knees and took a deep breath. “That’s okay. Open the door.”

Fury slid the heavy glass door open, announcing their arrival.

Bucky immediately bolted off the bed and pressed against the wall, staring wildly at the newcomers, breathing heavily. “No!!” He yelled, eyesflashing angrily, darting around, looking for escape.

Without a word, Devon got up and bowed out of the room, happy to hand Bucky over to someone else.

Steve just drank in the sight of Bucky,immediately drawn to the muscular chest and the way he wore his jeans kind of snug.

He could tell Bucky was scared. It made him want to panic. Bucky had never been scared of anything.

Steve took a breath. He couldn’t panic. He had to stay calm. He took some deep breaths.

“It’s okay,” he said quietly, keeping his eyes on Bucky. “It’s Steve.”

It took several minutes but the wild look eventually left his eyes. He studied Steve, tucking his long hair behind his ear.

Steve saw the gauge. He wanted to touch it!

Bucky wouldhave pierced his ears way back in the forties if he could’ve gotten away with it. He’d always been a “good bad boy” and that was something Steve had found extremely attractive.

“Steve?” The voice was soft and hesitant, pulling Steve back to the present.

Steve looked at Bucky, a smile on his face. “Yeah.”

He was still trying to reconcile the image before him with his logical brain that said Bucky wasn’t really here. He’d had so many hallucinations and dreams. They’d been so real and he’d awakened in disappointment every time. Yet he’d selfishly welcomed the dreams. A chance to hold Bucky just once more until reality awakened him again.

Bucky slowly came forward. “Steve? Is it you?” and then Steve forgot about all his inhibitions and surged forward.

“Bucky?!” The name fell brokenly from his lips. “Bucky! I’m so sorry.”

Bucky grabbed onto him, his hands grabbing for purchase on Steve’s body in desperation. “Steve!” He gasped in anguished wonder.

Steve pulled him close, feeling his tears fall and mixing with Bucky’s and not caring.

He was real! Bucky was here. Solid, warm, in his arms. He was awake!

There was a second chance. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve such a miracle, but if there was a god to thank, he was doing that now, with his whole heart.


	8. Chapter 8

Fury waited until the boys had parted and were sniffling before offering tissues. “We all good now?”

Steve nodded, blowing his nose. “Better than good!” He was still processing the fact that Bucky was here in the flesh, smiling at him, that crooked smile of his. He never wanted to let him go again.

Bucky nodded too. “Yeah.” He put his right hand on Steve’s shoulder as if he too was having a hard time believing that Steve was really here.

Steve wrapped his arms loosely around Bucky again. Everything about him felt so familiar.

“Steve’s finally here,” Nick confirmed, a smile on his face. “I know you’ve been waiting.”

Bucky looked a little shy. “That’s good Because Steve is the only one who can help me remember all the fuckin stuff that I’ve forgotten!”

“What stuff?” Fury asked curiously. “You remember anything? From what we heard, Hydra brainwashed you pretty regularly.”

“I never forgot Steve completely. He was my first handler,” Bucky said confidently. 

Steve flinched. “I was your best friend, Buck, back in Brooklyn. Not your handler.”

Bucky thought he was just another Hydra handler? He’d remembered his name. What else did he remember? What had he forgotten? What had Hydra planted in his head?

Bucky looked confused. “But, were you at Hydra too? Or how do I know you? I have good feelings when I hear your name. I remembered it. Even when they wiped my mind, I remembered it. So I know you’re special. I don’t remember many things.”

Steve had several thoughts warring for top priority. Bucky still had some good memories! Hydra had tried to wipe him away from Bucky’s mind, damn bastards!! Bucky knew that they’d had something special.

He patted the bed. “Sit for a minute. Let me try to explain.”

Bucky sat down and looked at Steve expectantly.

Steve thought for a minute. “We grew up together in Brooklyn, over seventy years ago, and we’ve been best friends ever since. World War Two was the one thing that separated us...twice.” Steve swallowed hard. “I rescued you once at Azzano. I got you away from Hydra there. And then awhile later, Zola managed to trick us and he knocked you off a cliff. That’s when I lost you. Hydra got you Bucky. I wish they hadn’t. If I’d known...”

The ex hydra assassin sat for several minutes trying to process this. “So after I fell, Hydra made me into the asset? I’ve been the Winter Soldier for seventy years? I remember them putting me in the cold sometimes. I’d sleep for years. I’d wake up and it would be a different time. It didn’t matter though because they’d clear all my memories and I wouldn’t know anything anyway. I never knew or cared what year it was. There were only two things that mattered. Following orders, because otherwise I’d get punished, and remembering you Steve. I always remembered you. The wiping could never go deep enough to scratch you away completely.”

Steve squeezed Bucky’s right shoulder, feeling overwhelmed. “You are so precious Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.”

“The sergeant who now?” Bucky asked, his voice mirroring his confusion.

“James Buchanan Barnes,” Steve repeated. “That’s you.”

“But....who is Bucky then?” He asked slowly, brow wrinkled in intense bewilderment..

Steve laughed softly. “Sorry. That’s your nickname. I call you Bucky because I love you.”

Bucky’s eyes turned soft, the blue deepening to the colour of a calm ocean. “You love me?” His voice held a touch of awe. 

Steve nodded. “I do. Very much.” The intensity of the gaze locked their eyes together for several moments and then Bucky put his head on Steve’s shoulder. “Do I love you too?”

Steve swallowed back a laugh. “You did at one time.”

“Can I do it again?” Bucky implored, looking at him longingly. “I want to love you, again. You’re Steve!”

Steve couldn’t help the stupid grin that plastered itself across his face. “Sure, Buck. You can love me if you want.”

Bucky played with the ring on his index finger. This might also be a key to his past. “Is this your ring? Commander said it’s a friend ring.” He turned his big blue eyes on Steve again.

Steve looked into those eyes, letting himself be swept away in the emotions of the moment. He brushed a finger softly over the burnished silver ring andwished with all his heart it was his. “No it isn’t.” He answered truthfully. “I don’t know who gave it to you. We won’t worry about that right now. It’s dinner time though and I’m sure you’re hungry too.”

The mood dissipated and Bucky sat up, slipping on his leather jacket. 

Steve looked at it appreciatively. It accented Bucky’s chest and narrow waist very nicely! 

“I’m hungry enough to eat a fucking horse!” Bucky declared, getting up and getting his boots.

Fury held up a hand. “Steve. In all the chaos, I forgot to tell you, Bucky’s not toilet trained. Better grab some diapers for tonight. I’ll make sure we send several bags tomorrow.”

Steve pulled up short, looking at the director in consternation. He glanced at Bucky who was pulling his boots on. “Okay....” he said hesitantly. He didn’t think Bucky had ever had an accident when they were young. How had Hydra managed that? Or maybe it was the trauma? That seemed more feasible. “He wet the bed?”

Bucky looked up. “Why would I wet the bed?”

Steve looked from him to Fury. “Then, how?”

Fury shook his head. “No, not exactly. He came to us in diapers. Hasn’tshown any desire or inclination to use the toilet.”

Steve rubbed a hand over his face. “Oh. Well. I’m sure it’s temporary.”

Bucky quirked an eyebrow. Temporary? No way Steve! He had no intention of being toilet trained. He had other things to think about. He had been in diapers for a long time already. He vaguely remembered when Commander had started it. After a long mission and very wet pants, they’d started putting him in diapers. He liked it that way. 

Steve would just have to deal with it!


	9. Chapter 9

Steve took the offered diapers and wipes then told Bucky to come with him.

Bucky complied easily, happy to have Steve back.

They started towards the elevator when Tony appeared around a corner, intent on his phone.

Bucky shrieked “No!” and barrelled towards him but Steve leapt, grabbing his leg, losing his balance and pulling them both down in a writhing heap.

Bucky fought to get up. “I’ll protect you!”

“Bucky! Stop!” Steve protested,hanging onto him. “He’s okay!”

Once they were untangled and standing, Steve quickly hauled Bucky into a tight grasp.“That’s Tony. You don’t touch him. Understood?”

Bucky nodded, eyes on Steve. “He’s off limits.”

”Yes,” Steve said, getting his breath back. “C’mon.”

Tony was wide eyed, watching Steve pull Bucky into the elevator. “What the hell just happened....”

In his apartment, Steve put down the diapers and supplies and turned to Bucky. “Start at the beginning and tell me how you ended up here.” 

Bucky shrugged. “I was in the transport truck, they forgot to lock me in my seat. We were downtown Manhattan and something went down. Everyone got out. I did too and just ran. Then the police arrested me. And then the SHIELD guy came and brought me here to DC.”

Steve would have liked more details but left it at that for now. “So you escaped from Hydra. How did you break the hold they had on you?”

Bucky frowned. “Commander said your name and I had the weirdest memory flash. He was talking to Agent Reis but I heard him. And then I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I’ve been out of cryo for several weeks. I was supposed to blend into a gang of bikers or something which is why I was dressed like this. All I could think about was finding you. They hadn’t said the damn trigger words so I was thinking fairly clearly and then ....yeah.”

“Trigger words?” Steve asked.

”There’s these words they say that make the Asset comply. I never remember anything about it except the people I’ve killed afterwards. As soon as the mission is done, I can feel again. That’s why they wiped me so often.”

“So the words trigger the Winter Soldier?” Steve asked for clarification.

Bucky nodded. “The Asset. Yeah.”

Steve was trying to wrap his head around it. “So why were you in New York?”

“Secretary Pierce sent a team to get some weapons to take over Project Insight.”

Steve’s head whipped around so fast he almost dislocated his neck. “What??”

Bucky chewed his lip. “Uh yeah....You didn’t know?”

”What the hell does Pierce have to do with Hydra?” Steve was already texting Fury.

Bucky tapped his chin thoughtfully. “He’s playing you. I’m telling you. Hydra’s all over in SHIELD. Rumlow, Pierce, Sitwell.”

Steve told Fury to get the hell up to his apartment.

Steve ordered dinner in. He was too tired and distracted to cook. While he had a second hot shower that day, Bucky told Fury what he knew about Project Insight. Fury promised to look into it.

The shower was lovely and relaxing. Steve put Insight out of his mind for tonight. He was beyond tired and thinking about even one more thing right now was too much. 

Bucky was waiting for him when he reappeared, sitting on the couch, relaxed. His legs were stretched out in front of him, feet casually crossed. His hands were behind his head, muscular biceps on full display.

Steve took a deep breath. It had been so long since he’d been truly aroused by anyone it felt odd. Bucky had always been able to arouse him just by being around. 

He sat down on the couch as well. “You like Japanese?”

Bucky shrugged. “I don’t know. They only ever gave me smoothies and crap like that.”

“Oh.” Steve didn’t know what else to say. Things were going to be a lot different than he remembered. Bucky had always had an attitude that got him into trouble more often than not but he’d also had the confidence and guts to go with it. This Bucky seemed more hollow. Like he wasn’t sure who he was and he was using anger to cover up the insecurities. 

He knew Bucky must have some form of the serum in order to have survived everything and still look as good as he did. Red Skull and Zola had been intent on using it. Apparently Bucky had been their test subject. He wondered if Bucky remembered Azzano. 

Bucky wiggled his hips and announced, “I’m wet.” 

Steve felt like he should be embarrassed maybe or something. Bucky was so nonchalant about it like it was like talking about changing his socks. “Oh....okay,” Steve said hesitantly. “Uh, do you change yourself?” 

Bucky gave him a strange look. “No! That’s not my job!” He got up, stretching.

Steve blinked, trying to ignore his well muscled abs where the T-shirt pulled up and the way the jeans moved to reveal just a bit of the line of dark hair disappearing under the waistband of the diaper . “Okay. No need to get snarky.”

He got a diaper and the wipes. Where did one change a grown man?? “Come to the bedroom.”

Bucky followed him, looking around the spartan walls. “How long have you lived here?”

“I moved here from New York last year when the Avengers started to work together more.” Steve patted the bed. “Get your ass up here.”

Bucky lay down on the bed, relaxing. 

Steve tried to look confident. He pulled the black jeans off, Bucky’s muscular legs. “You look good!” Bucky might have been brainwashed but at least they’d kept him in good shape. His legs were strong and supple. 

He pulled the wet diaper down and his eyes widened at the small silver ring through the end of Bucky’s cock. They’d had whispered conversations about this once during the war. It had held great interest for Bucky. 

“You did it?” He whispered.

Bucky chuckled a little. “It was a dare. Reis bet me fifty bucks I couldn’t do it without screaming. I won hands down. He was never in the chair.” 

Steve grimaced at Bucky’s casual comment about the mind wiping Hydra had put him through. He wanted to touch the ring but he just carefully wiped around it, trying not to notice that Bucky was half hard. He felt his own cock harden in response. 

He took the dry diaper and slid it under Bucky when he lifted his hips. The ‘V’ of Bucky’s hip bones was so beautifully augmented Steve wanted to kiss him. Again. Head out of the gutter Rogers! He told himself sharply. 

Steve pulled the dry diaper up.

Bucky reached down and tucked himself down. “Don’t wanna pee out the top.”

Steve wasn’t going to ask how he’d figured that out. He taped up the diaper snugly and gave Bucky his jeans. “We’re gonna have a talk about this soon, Buck.”

Bucky paused. “About what?”

“About....this.” Steve motioned to the wet diaper in his hand.

Bucky shrugged. “No we don’t.” He stalked back to the living room.

Steve washed his hands. He heard the doorbell go and knew dinner had arrived. 

Once they were settled at the table, he gave Bucky a plate of food. 

Bucky looked at it critically. “What is this stuff?” 

“Udon noodles, miso butter shrimp and namasu,” Steve answered. 

Bucky ate a noodle. “I guess it’s okay.” 

Steve had never had the luxury of being picky until now but he enjoyed the food of this modern age. Apparently Bucky was of a different mindset. “You want a smoothie instead?”

Bucky shook his head. “No. I’ll eat this.”

After dinner, Steve just wanted to relax. He stretched out in the recliner and flicked the tv on, trying to make his brain let go of all the craziness of the day. 

Bucky was stretched out on the couch, eyes half closed. 

“Tired?” Steve asked.

Bucky shrugged. “Kinda. It’s been a long week.”

”I know.” Steve looked at his best friend again. He was going to let everything go for tonight. He had Bucky here. Tonight they would sleep like they used to. 

An hour later, they crawled into bed and instinctively cuddled up to each other. “Buck, I’m so glad you found me.” Steve whispered in his ear.

Bucky grinned. “I’m glad I found you too! Tomorrow we can start talking about stuff?”

”Sure.” Steve agreed. “For now, let’s sleep. Love you Punk.”

Bucky hesitated a moment, his mind  holding onto a distant memory. “Love you too, jerk. G’night.”

Steve smiled and tucked Bucky firmly against his chest and closed his eyes. 


	10. Chapter 10

Steve woke first, immediately aware that there was someone in bed with him. No not just someone. Bucky!! It hadn’t been just a wonderful delightful dream!Bucky was here!! He’d had so many dreams about this that he hadn’t actually thought it was real. 

He turned to look at his bedmate. Bucky’s face was relaxed in sleep, his lips parted slightly. He wished the memories of kissing those lips wasn’t quite so clear. His brain jumped to Bucky’s piercings. 

Bucky was sleeping in just a T-shirt and his diaper. Steve’s reservations about that came crashing back. He forgot about his sexual thoughts. What had Hydra done to Bucky to make him think diapers were okay? Steve knew there were adults that needed them. He wasn’t thatjudgemental. It just seemed like Bucky was lazy, judging from the way he’d reacted. He knew when he was wet. He didn’t seem to be mentally lacking. If he was truly incontinent or traumatized from the brainwashing then Steve had no issue with it. He tried to put it out of his mind.

Bucky’s hair was long and soft. Steve had always loved his brunette mop of hair but now it was luscious. He petted it very softly. He thought about what Fury had said; that Bucky was volatile and easily upset. That was likely due to Hydra’s conditioning. He hadn’t seen much of that. Bucky seemed happy to be here with him.

Bucky started to stir, yawning and stretching, before opening those beautiful blue eyes. “Hi Stevie,” he said with a small smile.

Steve smiled back. “Hey Buck. You sleep okay?”

“I was up several times during the night,” he said. “Didn’t wanna wake you.”

“You could’ve,” Steve frowned. He wasn’t sure if Bucky should be rattling around alone yet.

It wasn’t often that he slept that solidly. He’d been exhausted. He got up, slipping on his T-shirt.

“Wet,” Bucky said shortly, squirming to lay down in front of Steve.

Steve got a dry diaper and changed him again. “Didn’t Hydra let you go to the bathroom?” He looked at Bucky. 

Bucky turned sullen and looked away. “Don’ wanna talk ‘bout that.”

Steve could tell he’d hit a sensitive spot but _HE_ wanted to talk about it. “We have to talk about it some time, bud.”

Bucky pushed his lower lip out in a face that was very familiar to Steve in its stubbornness. 

There must be some trauma associated with the subject. He gave Bucky some clothes. “Get dressed. Then we’ll get breakfast made.”

Bucky was still sulking and refused to look at him.

Steve sighed. “C’mon, darling. We don’t have to talk about it today.”

“Not fuckin’ EVER!!” Bucky yelled suddenly, throwing the jeans wildly.

Steve was temporarily stunned. This must be what Fury had referred to. “Calm down,” Steve ordered gently, expecting Bucky to listen. 

Instead, Bucky then threw himself off the bed, taking the comforter with him. He beat his fists on the floor, throwing anything within reach.

Steve recognized a super soldier meltdown when he saw one. He’d seen it in the army when soldiers had lost their minds. He quickly pushed the memories away. He grabbed Bucky firmly and restrained him.

Bucky screamed and yelled at him and then tried to bite him, straining to get away. 

Steve just held him tight until he finally felt the tension go out of his body.“Alright. That’s good, Bucky. You’re okay.”

Bucky seemed a little dazed now, but he was calm.

Steve gave him his jeans again and Bucky pulled them on, not looking at Steve. He was rubbing at his face and Steve thought he might be crying but there were no tears. 

 The anger was gone but Bucky looked so sad and upset. He was mumbling to himself in a different language. Steve thought it might be Russian.

Steve didn’t want to bring up the diapers again. After the meltdown he figured that maybe there were other issues to work through first.

Breakfast was a shit show. Bucky refused eggs, refused bacon,wouldn’t even look at the yogurt,then threw his spoon at Steve with startling accuracy and hit him in the forehead.

Steve took several deep breaths then gave him a plain bagel which he seemed to be okay with. He ate his own breakfast in silence. He needed to speak with someone who was knowledgeable about this kind of stuff! There was no way he could deal with Bucky if he didn’t know _what_  he was dealing with.

After breakfast, he got Bucky settled with a bucket of spare gears, wiring, and other crap that Tony had given him. Bucky had always been mechanically minded. 

He started searching the internet for answers. It seemed more confusing than helpful. He didn’t think Bucky was psychotic. 

He soon realized a psychiatric assessment would probably be more helpful.He texted Tony because he was way out of his depth here. He watched Bucky, trying to figure out where he was at. 

Bucky was entranced with the box of junk. He spent several hours trying to build something. Maybe not trying. It seemed like in his mind he was building something. 

What; Steve didn’t know. But he was happy and not throwing things.

Tony got back to him, saying he had a good psychiatrist on payroll and he would send him over right after lunch. 

Steve went about prepping dinner (stew in the crockpot) and making sandwiches and soup for lunch.

“You hungry?” He asked Bucky. 

Bucky looked up from the coffee table. “Breakfast time?”

Steve frowned in confusion. “No. Lunch.” He just said. 

“Need changed first,” Bucky informed him, heading towards the bedroom. 

Steve sighed softly. “Okay. Up on the bed, buddy.”

He changed Bucky, then washed his hands. He really hoped the doctor could shed light on this for him. 

As they sat at the table, Steve eating and Bucky dismantling his sandwich and eating the bread, Steve tried to find some way of making conversation. He asked, “Does your left hand feel stuff?” 

Bucky’s eyes snapped up to his. “Don’ wanna talk about it.” His left hand crushed the spoon he was holding. 

Steve held up a hand. “Alright. What do you want to talk about?”

Bucky’s demeanour changed immediately to sunshine and smiles. “Tell me about when we were kids.”

Steve thought for a moment then told him about his Ma and sisters. He told him how Bucky would help Steve out of all the alley fights he’d get into. The fond memories poured over him, making speech difficult at some points. He put his chin in his hands. Thoughts of his own ma were washing over him now.

“You were littler then,” Bucky said softly.

“I was,” Steve agreed, tenting his fingers thoughtfully. “You took care of me a lot back then.”

“Why?” Bucky wanted to know.

Steve chewed his bottom lip for a minute. “I guess because I was always sick. I needed help and you just wouldn’t leave.” He gave a little laugh.

Bucky pushed a finger into his mouth, sucking on it noisily for a moment.

Steve glanced at him. “Take your finger out of your mouth, Buck and eat your lunch.”

Bucky’s eyes immediately turned stormy. “I want juice!”

Steve remembered now, Fury saying something about Bucky loving apple juice. “I’ll get you some.” He poured a plastic tumbler of juice and placed it in front of his best friend. He really hoped that he could also get some help with communicating with Bucky.

Bucky guzzled the juice in several big gulps, spilling some down his shirt.

Steve tried not to feel impatient. He handed him a napkin. “Wipe your face.”

After lunch was cleaned up, Steve knew the psychiatrist was likely to show up at any moment. He was right. The doorbell rang and Bucky was immediately on his feet. “No! Stay out!!” 

Steve said, “JARVIS let him in please.” He pulled Bucky into his arms. “It’s okay. It’s someone safe.”

Bucky apparently didn’t agree because he went ballistic when the doctor came in, screaming and swearing at the newcomer.

Steve did his best to restrain him but he was starting to realize just how strong Bucky was.Especially his left arm.

The psychiatrist watched with interest. “I won’t come any closer, Bucky. I’m Dr. Lyons.” He put his bag down and took a chair beside the door.

Steve felt an elbow in his ribs and tightened his grip. It was a good ten minutes of screaming before Bucky started to settle, still looking at the new person nervously.

Steve went to the couch and pulled Bucky down onto his lap. “He’s got some issues with people he doesn’t know.”

Dr. Lyons nodded. “Not uncommon in patients with head trauma.”

“Head....trauma?” Steve repeated slowly. He absently rubbed slow soothing circles on Bucky’s stomach under his T-shirt. 

Dr. Lyons watched him.  “I understand from what Mr. Stark said that Mr. Barnes has had a lot of trauma? The aggressive behaviour suggests head trauma. What other behaviours has he displayed?”

Steve thought for a moment. “I’ve just been reunited with him after seventy years. I’ve seen some behaviour in the last day and a half but not sure if it’s related.”

The doctor scratched his chin and very slowly moved his chair a bit closer. “Do you know if he experienced any repeated brain injury?”

“Mindwiping, quite possibly by painful means,”  Steve said slowly.

Dr. Lyons nodded. “That would be a definite way, yes. Especially if it was repeated. Bain injury like that can also cause changes to the brain that may tell the victim that something makes sense when it doesn’t. For example, wearing a diaper, even if he isn’t incontinent seems perfectly normal to him so he’s unwilling to change that.”

”Oh.” Steve hadn’t thought about brain injury even being a possibility. “Besides the diapers, he’s not eating properly. He’s not sleeping great...”

The doctor nodded. “All related.” 

Steve was quiet now. He needed to understand. “He seems to be functioning fine though. He talks fine, doesn’t seem to be delayed...”

The doctor nodded. “His speech might be fine. Has he displayed memory gaps?”

Steve sighed. “Yeah.”

“Also common with head trauma. Mood swings, aggressive behaviour, trouble coping with new people or situations.” The doctor stopped talking at Steve’s stricken look. “I’ll give you some support group numbers.”

Steve took a deep breath. “What can I expect in behaviour aside from the aggression?”

“It’s hard to say,” Dr. Lyons admitted. “It changes with each individual. He could display age inappropriate behaviour such as sucking his thumb, desiring to play with toys, or inappropriate sexual behaviour such as masturbating in public or trying to kiss strangers.”

Steve rubbed his neck uncomfortably. “Oh. I see. So what should I do then?”

“I would suggest you take some downtime to build trust with Mr. Barnes. Get to know his triggers and figure out strategies. In this instance, your fingers on his belly are working magic. He is probably quite sensory driven as well.”

Steve paused in his belly rub but Bucky immediately growled and pushed his hand in circles.

The psychiatrist smiled a little. “He’s also displaying a demanding attitude which means he doesn’t have the full language skills needed to express his desires adequately. It will come as he learns to trust you.”

Steve nodded with a rueful chuckle. “So what you’re saying is he’s going to be a handful.”

“What I’m saying is he’s not mentally stable due to head trauma. I don’t know how much better it will get. He may remember some things incorrectly. He may forget simple things from one day to the next.” The doctor shrugged. “There are lots of caregiver options. You need to know you’re not alone.”

Steve sighed deeply. “Thanks for your insight.” He was feeling very overwhelmed. How was he going to even start looking after Bucky?

Without meaning to, he thought back to all the times Bucky had gently lifted his fevered body to change sheets or to bathe him. Carried him when he couldn’t walk or held him when he needed to have someone close. He’d taken Bucky for granted some days. Ranted and railed at him on days when his weak body had frustrated him. And then when Bucky was gone he’d left such a huge hole in Steve’s life he thought nothing could fill it again. That hole was a pain that never started healing until two days ago.

He was getting a second chance with Bucky. It was going to be different. Their roles reversed, but what did it matter? They were together.

Steve was astounded by the sudden revelation that he was truly getting a second chance. He’d been so overwhelmed with Bucky’s behaviour he’d totally missed the fact that the man was here. 

He very gently kissed the shell of Bucky’s ear. “I will take care of you, babe. For as long as you need me. Till the end of the line.”

Bucky turned his face up to look at him. “End of the line?” He frowned thoughtfully. “That....that’s what you said to me before....right?”

Steve smiled and nodded. “Yeah, buddy. I did.” He paused his hand again, marvelling at the beauty of Bucky’s face, unmarred by the trauma that lurked in his brain.

“Rub!” Bucky demanded, grabbing Steve’s hand again. 

Steve chuckled. “Okay. Just five more minutes.”

Bucky leaned back, relaxed again. “Yeah.”


	11. Chapter 11

When Bucky pushed Steve’s hand away and got up, Steve just watched him for a minute, his whole perspective having changed after what the doctor said.

Building trust. Bucky used to trust him with his life. Steve ignored the sharp stab of guilt. He still trusted him somewhat or he wouldn’t have wanted Steve to come back.

Bucky was pawing through the bucket of wires again. “Steve, I need a little- a little-“ He frowned. “The thing.”

Steve focused on him. “What thing?” He tried to decipher what it was he needed from the mess he was holding. “A scissor?”

Bucky looked at the box. “Scissor..?” He frowned. “No! A turn thing!” He made a turning motion with his hand. “The —thing!” He made more motions with his hands. “The—!! UGH!”

His voice was getting louder as his frustration level quickly grew.

“Breathe!” Steve encouraged. “A bolt? Screw? Plier?”

“I NEED THAT —FUCKING TURNY THING!” Bucky yelled, pushing the bucket off of the coffee table and slamming his hand down. Gears, screws and bolts went rolling in every direction.

Steve groaned. Bucky had never been a super patient person. Not being able to remember certain things was obviously difficult for him.

He swore again and picked up the empty bucket, hurling it at the wall.

“Enough!” Steve said firmly. “Pick up the mess and let’s figure out what you need.”

“I don’t know what it’s called!” Bucky cried in frustration.

Steve thought. “A wrench? A plier? A screwdriver?”

Bucky paused and thought hard, then stomped his foot. “I don’t know!! I don’t even know what I need!!”

“Just put it aside for now.” Steve kept his voice calm. 

Bucky looked for his project but it had gone tumbling with everything else. He screamed and raised his foot to kick the coffee table.

Steve yelled “STOP!” Startling him into silence for a few seconds. He didn’t need everything destroyed. 

Then Bucky turned on him, coming at him with anger burning in his eyes.

Steve waited till he was close enough to snag, then as fast as he could, he whipped his arms around Bucky’s flailing limbs.

Bucky’s screams made his ears ring but he ignored them and got a firm grip on the writhing, angry man.

The language that Bucky was spewing made Steve shake his head. The army had taught Bucky to curse. That was certain. Or Hydra. He had a filthy mouth on him.

Bucky was screaming at him, calling him every name under the sun, and some Steve wasn’t sure he’d ever heard. With every insult, he reminded himself that Bucky wasn’t saying them to him. He was just raging.

Bucky pushed against him, trying to break free but Steve was stronger than he was and he was thankful.

Steve didn’t know what was wrong with him. Seeing Bucky all angry made him want to kiss him too. Maybe he needed to just get laid. He turned back to the job at hand. 

Bucky finally settled down again. He was breathing heavily, crying, without tears. 

Steve could tell he needed to be changed. This time it wasn’t just wet. Had Fury mentioned this? He didn’t know. Chances were Bucky couldn’t control his bowels when his body’s energy was focused on his meltdown.

He was mumbling disjointed words, something about “Don’t hate me, I’m sorry.” But the words weren’t clear enough for Steve to pick up.

He figured a rage like that must have worn Bucky out. “Let’s go change your diaper,” he said softly. A sadness for the mental distress his friend was feeling settled into Steve’s gut. He would do his best to give Bucky a decent life.

Bucky shook his head a little.

Steve let him be for a few more minutes, stroking his cheek. “Ok bud. You smell bad. Get up and go lay on the bed.”

“Fuck off,” Bucky groused.

“Can’t,” Steve said reasonably. “You need to be looked after.”

Bucky growled and got up, trotting to the bedroom.

Steve followed, grabbing a whole box of wipes, a plastic bag and and a clean diaper.

Bucky was a mess. He lay still so Steve could clean him. “Can I give you a bath?” Steve asked.

“NO!” Bucky hollered, before he’d hardly finished the question.

“You need a wash,” Steve said. “Your bum is going to get sore.”

Bucky glowered at him. “Don’t like baths.”

“What if we take one together?” Steve asked.

Bucky broke eye contact as he thought about that. “Did we?...Before?” His eyes shifted nervously, as though he didn’t trust the memory. 

Steve nodded. “All the time.”

Bucky chewed his lip. “Oh. Did I like it?”

Steve wasn’t sure how to answer that question. More often than not a bath had led to a good romp afterwards. “Yeah....we both enjoyed it.”

“Are you gonna put my face inna water?” Bucky asked in a small voice, suddenly looking very vulnerable.

Steve shook his head. “No. Never.”

Bucky had always had a slight fear of water but a bath had never been an issue. Probably because a bath had meant other things. He smiled a little. 

Bucky followed him to the large bathroom and watched Steve start the water running.

Steve got undressed and climbed in, helping Bucky step in. Bucky’s eyes ran the length of his body and then he turned around so he could sit against Steve. 

He shivered a little before sitting down in the warm water. “S’nice,” he said, sounding surprised.

“I’m not ever going to hurt you,” Steve assured him, wondering if the bath brought back bad memories. 

“I like hurting people when I’m mad,” Bucky said candidly. He didn’t sound apologetic. 

Steve bit his lip a moment. “That’s not very nice. You need to stop.” 

Bucky looked at him. “Why?”

“Because hurting people will get you into trouble,” Steve said bluntly.

Bucky shrugged. “So?”

Steve sighed and changed the subject. “What kind of soap do you like using?”

Bucky looked at the three kinds of. “I dunno.”

Steve picked one and gently washed Bucky’s skin, looking at the horrid scarring at the left shoulder. What had they done to him??

Steve enjoyed the familiar feel of Bucky’s skin even though the scars were new. He reached around Bucky’s waist and started washing his “below” parts. It all felt like home. 

He paused when he felt Bucky firm up in his hand, just at the gentle washing. Gosh how he wanted to stroke him. It brought back so many fond memories. 

Bucky shivered a little, pushing back against Steve so he could access his cock better. “Feels good.”

Steve felt his own arousal start to grow. “Do you want that? To have me stroke you?” He wanted to be careful. Bucky might not understand. 

Bucky thought for a moment. “Yeah. Hawkeye told me that we used to be together before the war. Is that true?”

“Clint told you that?” Steve asked. He had told Clint that a long time ago because he’d needed to talk about Bucky one day after a particularly bad nightmare. He hadn’t expected Clint to remember. “Yeah it’s true.”

Bucky smiled. “What are we waiting for?” He scrambled out of the tub, dripping onto the mat, giving Steve a good all around view of his well muscled legs and torso.

Steve groaned softly. The longing that had been put aside in 1944 came flooding back like a tidal wave.

Steve tossed him a towel. “Nothing! I’m done waiting!”


	12. Chapter 12

Steve lay there with a very content Bucky cuddled up to him an hour and a half later.Steve had discovered that Bucky hadn’t lost his talent for stroking him off and he hadn’t lost his for bringing Bucky up fast and hard either.

That was all they’d done. No real kissing or anything. Just touching each other. He loved seeing Bucky’s intense curiosity as he found memories attached to the sensory input of playing with Steve.

Steve on the other hand had been impatient to get his hands on Bucky and play a little with that enchanting silver ring. It was both fascinating and amazing. He felt himself floating on the fuzzy feelings of happiness and relaxation that three orgasms brought.

Bucky rolled onto his back and stretched languidly. “M’hungry.”

Steve nodded. “Me too.” He slipped a pair of sweats and a T-shirt on, and then got a diaper. “Come here.”

Once Bucky was diapered and dressed, they meandered into the kitchen.

Steve stirred their dinner in the crock pot and then picked his phone up. “Ten missed calls?” He muttered. It was an unfamiliar number.

He gave Bucky half a bagel with butter and a cup of juice and then sat down to give his mysterious caller a call back.

“Manhattan Precinct 214,” someone answered on the second ring. Steve frowned in confusion.

“Hi. Steve Rogers here from DC. I have ten missed calls from this number in the last two hours.”

A silence followed. “From here?”

Steve hesitated. “Yeah. Ten calls.”

“One moment.”

“Okay?” Steve said uncertainly.

A different voice came on. “Captain Rogers, Traner here. What can I do for you?”

Once again Steve went through his explanation of the ten missed calls. There was a long silence and then a rather frazzled, “Jones!”

”Jones?” Steve asked. 

“He’s ....interested...in The Winter Soldier.” 

Steve wasnt sure what to say next. He wasn’t even really sure what this was all about.

“He was here the night they brought Barnes in. He must’ve gotten emotionally invested. I’m sorry he tried to call you.” There was a pause. “How is he adjusting?”

Oh! The Manhattan cops....now Steve understood. He wondered if they were checking up to make sure Bucky was getting proper care. “He’s adjusting alright. It’s going to be slow.”

Traner made a grunt of agreement. “He had it pretty rough.” 

“Yeah.” Steve was starting to feel awkward.

”Again, I’m sorry he bothered you.” Traner said good bye.

Steve hung up and watched Bucky tearing the bagel into tiny pieces and then eating them. “Do you remember your time in Manhattan?”

Bucky looked up. “No.”

Steve figured he would talk to Fury. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the police. He just didn’t want Bucky sent back to Hydra. “Are you done with your snack?”

Bucky was just poking his fingers into the bread now.He nodded, guzzling the juice down.

Bucky slid off the chair and would have escaped but Steve caught his right wrist. “Hold up. Your hands are greasy from the butter.”

He tried to jerk his hands away. “No!”

“Just two seconds.” Steve quickly wiped them with a napkin as well as possible and let him go. He texted Nick and asked about Traner and Jones.

////

Nick read the text, then grabbed his desk phone, punching in the numbers for the precinct so hard the phone jangled in protest.

The captain answered. When he heard Nick Fury’s voice he blanched a little. When he heard the accusation he grew defensive. “I didn’t give Jones the go ahead!”

Nick growled out several choice expletives. “Keep it in the precinct until I can clear Barnes’ name! 

Traner promised to get to the bottom of it. Having the SHIELD director on his tail wasn’t really ideal.

Jones was done his shift already but Traner wasn’t above calling him at home. He was ready to tear Jones a new one for the stupid idiotic thing he’d done. 

“WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING ,JONES!” He yelled the second Jones answered.

The younger officer flinched. “Is this ah-about th-the pr-prisoner from l-last week?” He stuttered out.

“How’d you know who to contact and why?” Traner demanded, still furious.

Jones licked his lips. How was he gonna explain the frantic search for information? The fact that he dreamed of the soldier every night? That the cold blue eyes haunted him? “I uh just thought we should uh do a check in,” he said lamely.

“There was no follow up ordered and that information was classified!” Traner roared. “Which means YOU WEREN’T CLEARED TO SEE IT!”

Jones knew it was classified. He’d had to really dig to find out what had happened to the soldier when he came back the next evening to find him gone. He’d asked everyone he knew and no one had any answers. He’d almost panicked. He needed to know what had happened!! So he’d started digging.

Deep in Traner’s classified drawer was a thin file, labelled the Winter Soldier. Jones wasn’t stupid. He knew who the Winter Soldier was! The information had stunned him for a bit. But he had known right then he needed to see him again.

“He killed a medical officer, Sir,” Jones said, almost giggling with his sudden brilliant idea. “We need to get a statement saying he is mentally unstable and was provoked.”

Traner growled and grumbled for a few moments, thinking about that. Jones had a point. Really they did need to do that. Gromes death was currently under “investigation” He hadn’t figured out yet how to spin it. There was no way in hell he was blaming Barnes. He finally said, “Fine! But that’s IT! Not gonna have you bothering them. I’ll set up a time with Fury.”

Jones hung up, giddy with excitement. He would see his soldier again! He could hardly wait!

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve discovers that the friendship ring isn’t so friendly.
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry guys. I edited the dates to coincide more with the Winter Soldier movie so it made more sense.

Nick Fury met Constable Kevin Jones and Doctor Julian Sein at the door when they showed up.

Jones was intimidated by the one eyed director who seemed to glare right into his inner thoughts. He tried not to stare at the black eye patch. 

“Good morning, sir,” he said, straining to keep his voice steady.

Sein didn’t seem to notice the death glare. He shook Fury’s hand.

“I’ll take you up, and I’m gonna listen to every word you say. Barnes stays here though.” The Director said, ignoring the greeting. He was still giving them a death glare.

Jones shrank back a little. Traner wasn’t kidding when he said SHIELD wasn’t thrilled that Barnes had to be assessed.

“He killed a medical officer.” He protested, wishing his voice sounded more professional instead of shaky and insecure.

“I’m aware,” Fury said dryly. “That’s why I’m allowing you two in.”

“I need to get a statement saying he is mentally unstable.” Sein said. “It shouldn’t be long.”

Fury strode ahead, not looking back as he showed them into the elevator in the Avengers tower, and up to a private floor.

Jones tried not to stare at the expensive flair everywhere around him. He knew Stark was rolling in money. Seeing it spread around in the private living area, however, was another story.

Fury knocked on an apartment door and a robotic voice said, “Please enter, Director Fury. Captain Rogers is presently busy. He invites you to make yourselves comfortable.”

Jones looked around furtively for the source of the voice. He saw nothing. 

Nick said, “Thanks, Jarvis,” and opened the door, ushering them in.

It was like stepping back in time.

The living room walls were pretty much devoid of decor other than a few black and white photos.The sofa was of a bit newer style. There was a record player in one corner and the large braided throw rug was a throwback to the forties.There were a couple of crocheted afghans on the sofa, giving it a homey touch.

Nick motioned to a couple of armchairs. “Have a seat.”

Sein sat and started rooting in his bag for his forms and voice recorder.

Jones tried to sit quietly, inwardly squirming with impatience. He wanted to see the soldier. 

A few minutes later, the subject of his recent dreams appeared, dressed only in a T-shirt and an obviously fresh diaper, judging from the faint scent of baby powder.

He saw Jones and Sein immediately, stopping and staring at them. A long moment passed as his face registered that they weren’t familiar. He went into a defensive stance, body stiff and eyes going dark and angry.

Jones didn’t move, drinking in the full sight of the man before him. He looked better now. He had a nice colour in his cheeks and he looked well cared for. His hair was combed and he’d been washed clean. Those blue eyes flashed fire and Jones found that he was getting hot just watching the rippling muscles and flexing jaw. He growled and then yelled, “STEVE!”

Jones broke the staring contest when a big blonde man walked in. It took him a moment to realize it was Captain America!! Of course.... Barnes and Rogers had been best friends. Maybe more. He felt a faint stab of jealousy.

“You’re okay,” Steve said quietly. Jones tried not to be disappointed when the Captain held out some sweats towards the soldier. “Bucky, put on your pants.” His voice was quiet but firm.

Bucky shook his head, eyes still fixed on the newcomers. “No!” His voice was high with anger and anxiety.

“Bucky,” Steve said. He put a hand on his arm and Bucky threw his hand off with enough power that a smaller man would have been pitched backwards. 

“You found Steve,” Jones said, trying to break the tension.

Bucky glared at him. “My Steve! Fuck off!” He pointed at him with his metal index finger. 

Jones held up a hand and blushed when Fury chuckled. “Yeah. Your Steve.”

“Captain Rogers,” Sein began, finally set up, “This conversation will be recorded. Can you give us some insight as to how James is coping?”

Steve lifted Bucky’s feet one at a time and got his sweats on. “He’s very aggressive, lots of meltdowns. Stark’s psychiatrist said he portrays symptoms of Traumatic Brain Injury.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Bucky yelled at Sein, taking a step forward. “Fuck off! You suck!”

Steve wrapped an arm around his chest. “Bucky, we’re gonna sit down and calm down.” He stepped back, sinking into a large recliner. 

Bucky immediately became a howling, fighting, rage monster. He screamed obscenities and started to cry. 

Steve started rubbing his belly. It was like flipping a switch. Bucky settled down, sucking on his fingers.

Jones was taken aback. So much for the badass image.

Sein was picking up everything that was happening. “I agree with the TBI diagnosis. Can you describe how he handles any unforeseen circumstances?”

”Like this,” Steve said wryly. 

Sein watched Bucky carefully. “He killed a medical officer while he was in the precinct holding cell.”

Steve looked at the psychiatrist. “Yes. I was informed.” He sighed. His poor Bucky baby! “Is he under arrest?”

“No!” Jones almost yelled, startling the subject into jumping and bursting into tears again. He felt like a total heel. “Sorry,” he mumbled. 

Steve didn’t hear him. He whispered soft words into Bucky’s ear but the crying was quickly turning into another tantrum.

Bucky screamed at the new people again, swearing at them and demanding that they leave. He threatened them and tried to fight his way out of Steve’s grasp. When he couldn’t he finally settled back and put his head on Steve’s shoulder, putting his thumb in his mouth.

Steve sighed again, his arms loosening just slightly. “What do you need from me?” He asked softly.

“It’s very clear,” Sein said, “That he is mentally unwell. If you can get me a copy of the other psychiatrist’s findings then we will present the case and get his name cleared.”

Nick could see that Bucky was doing better with Steve. 

Steve frowned. “What did the guy do to get him so riled up that he actually killed him??”

Jones rolled his eyes. “He belittled him and made fun of him.”

Steve understood then. “Oh. I see. Bucky has never been good at leaving bullies alone. Sorry he killed the guy but honestly, he knew Buck was dangerous.”

Jones nodded. “He did. We warned him. This is just an official way of saying it wasn’t Bucky’s fault.”

Steve nodded. “Okay, good.” If it wasn’t they’d have to deal with Captain America as well. 

“What’s the ring for?” Jones asked curiously, motioning to Bucky’s right index finger. 

Steve shrugged. “Not sure. He was told it’s a friendship ring. No idea who it’s from.” 

Nick frowned. “Have you looked at it? Might be something written on it.”

Steve took hold of the ring. “Can I look at this?”

Bucky jerked his hand away. “NO!! Friend ring!!”

Steve left it alone and shrugged apologetically.

Once the rest of the questions had all been answered, Sein and Fury stood to leave. Jones followed them reluctantly.He wondered if Rogers and Barnes were together now. Could be. But then again, Barnes wasn’t mentally stable. If Barnes was available, he wouldn’t mind hanging out. He sure as hell wasn’t gonna ask Fury though. 

Steve found Bucky had gone completely relaxed in his lap. He slowly took his fingers from his stomach, waiting to have them grabbed back. All he got was a soft snore. Bucky hadn’t slept well last night and he must be exhausted to have fallen asleep.

Steve held him, eyeing the ring. What if Bucky had another lover out there somewhere? There might be a name inscribed in the ring. It made Steve feel icky though. He didn’t want Bucky to be attached to anyone else.

He wondered if he could lay Bucky on the couch without waking him. Moving slowly, he got up and carried Bucky to the sofa. Gently laying him down, he covered him with an afghan.

His brain was going a mile a minute. Would they be able to clear his name? The thought of Bucky having to endure a trial because he was provoked to anger made Steve sick. He would give his own life to keep Bucky safe.

Bucky wasn’t able to understand that his actions were not good. He quashed his nervousness.

Steve sat beside Bucky just looking at him. He was so beautiful. The brushed silver ring on his index finger enthralled Steve. What did it mean? Why did Bucky refuse to take it off? 

Steve had always had way too much curiosity for his own good, and now was no exception. He convinced himself that it was for Bucky’s own good. He very slowly started to wiggle the ring off of Bucky’s finger.

Bucky stirred and pulled his hand away from Steve, mumbling softly.

Steve waited until he was still again and continued working the ring off. Finally it slid off the end of Bucky’s finger and into Steve’s hand. Feeling mildly victorious, he scooted back to his chair and sat down to examine the ring. There were words engraved on the inside. He recognized that it was in Russian.

Солдат должен умереть 30 марта 2014 г

He texted Natasha. “I need to know what this means.” He sent her a picture of the words.

It only took a few seconds before she said “Was that on Bucky?? I’m coming up!”

He felt an inkling of fear.

Natasha appeared silently a minute later, startling Steve and looking like she was ready to bash some heads in.

“What does it mean??” He whispered, pointing to the sleeping man on the couch. “Shh.”

Nat relaxed a bit when she saw he was okay. “It translates to “The soldier must die. March 30, 2014.”

Steve’s face blanched. “What?? But...it’s March 5th now...”

Nat shrugged. “Could mean they planted a self destruct code in his brain to go off in 25 days. It could mean they’re tracking him and are planning to kill him on March 30th or it’s a warning.”

Steve couldn’t think straight. He needed to keep Bucky safe! Hydra had told Bucky it was a friendship ring...liars!! “Maybe Stark or Banner can look over this ring and see if it gives us anymore clues.” 

Natasha nodded. “I can take it down to the lab.”

Steve handed her the ring. “Thanks Nat. Tell them it’s urgent.”

She waved acquiescence and left as silently as she’d come.

Steve sat back down and watched Bucky sleep, wishing he knew what Hydra had done to him. 

He didn’t plan to wait until March 30th to find out!! 


	14. Chapter 14

Natasha entered the lab silently, but Bruce heard her anyway. “Hey Nat.”

“Steve has something he needs you to look at,” she said shortly, dropping the ring onto the workbench.

Tony and Bruce both stopped what they were doing, and came to stare at the ring.

“Wow. A ring. Looks dangerous,” Tony said, poker faced.

Nat gave him a narrow look. “It’s got words on it, you ass.”

Once she’d translated the engraved script, even Tony looked a bit more interested.

Bruce took the ring and put it under an ultraviolet light. “It looks like it’s just a ring to me, except for a weird little bump on the inside of it.”

Tony took it and examined it under his microscope, long minutes ticking by before he put it back on the table. “It looks like a magnet. Or some kind of trip code.”

“Trip code for what?” Bruce asked.

Tony shrugged. “Not sure. Could be an alert to someone. Definitely something weird about-“

Before he could finish his thought, the lab doors slid open and a SHIELD agent darted in, sliding around the corner, sniper rifle cocked.He looked all around the lab, noting that there were only three occupants.

The three Avengers looked at the agent, questioningly.

“Can I help you?” Tony asked dryly. “This lab is private.”

“I was told to come here by....Mr. Fury.” His eyes locked on the ring in Tony’s hand, glaring at it. “Where did you get that?”

“It’s my engagement ring,” Tony deadpanned.

The sniper didn’t look amused.

Natasha studied his face. His gaze was singular in its obsession. He stared at the ring as if it held answers to all the mysteries of the universe. She glanced at the hand holding his gun. She wasn’t really surprised to see he was wearing a ring on his index finger as well. Not one to ever miss details, Nat memorized his stature, his face, his eyes. She knew Fury often hired new recruits but there was something weird about this guy, the way he was still staring at the ring.

Her gut was telling her not to trust him. She stared again at the brushed silver ring on his finger, exactly like the one on the table. There was only one difference. There was a small blue light flashing on the sniper’s ring.A signal? He’d probably gotten a signal the second Steve slipped the ring off Bucky’s hand. It screamed Hydra. Which meant Bucky was in immediate danger.

“When did SHIELD get another sniper?” She asked casually.

Bruce looked at her wondering what she was getting at.

The gunman turned to her, face unreadable. “Where is the Soldier?”

Nat let a hint of a smile play around her lips. “Barnes? How would I know?”

His lip curled. “Don’t be stupid. I know he’s in the tower with Rogers. What floor?”

Tony shrugged.

Natasha studied him. “Fury sent you to protect him? You know he escaped Hydra.”

The agent lowered the gun, staring at her. “Yes of course. Fury wants to see him. I was sent to get him.”

Bruce had decided there was something screwy going on and was already texting Steve.

“Fury must have gotten his floors mixed up.” Natasha smirked.

The man frowned, tight lipped. “Answer me, Romanoff!”

“No need to yell,” she said, aware that most recruits and agents only knew her as Black Widow. “They’re on the sixty first floor.”

He turned abruptly and left.

“Why’d you send him to Steve’s floor??” Tony squeaked.

Bruce held up his phone. “Steve’s already on his way down to Fury’s office. Something about that sniper is off.”

“Just a bit,” Natasha quipped. “Clint’s on his way up as well.”

Steve had awakened Bucky as soon as Bruce had texted him about the strange sniper. How had Hydra known? He’d answer that question later. “Sorry, babe,” he apologized, as Bucky blinked sleepily.

Bucky was only half awake when Steve lifted him onto his hip. He clung to Steve like a koala, hanging onto the afghan he’d been sleeping under as well and watching vaguely as Steve rushed into the elevator and told Jarvis to take them down to the SHIELD offices in the basement. “Where we going?”

“To Fury. You’re in danger,” Steve said.

Bucky sighed. “Oh.” What danger? He wondered. He sucked on one finger and then noticed. “My ring!! Steve! Where’s my ring!!? Commander told me never to take it off!! How did it come off?” His voice was quickly nearing tantrum pitch.

“I’ll explain in a minute,” Steve said, struggling to hold onto his squirming armful. “Please calm down!” 

Bucky had no intention of calming down. “Where is it?” He howled.

Phil heard them before the elevator doors opened. “Oh oh. Having issues?” 

Steve gripped tighter. “He just realized his ring was missing.”

Coulson rushed them to his own office. “Fury thinks we might have a double agent here. A mole.”

Steve frowned. “I thought we just totally cleaned SHIELD out after Insight? How’d Hydra manage to sneak someone in?”

Coulson looked pointedly at Bucky who was still freaking out. “You really think Hydra would just let him go? I don’t think they ever really lost him.”

Steve’s heart sank as the reality hit him. “What are we gonna do? Oh gosh, I was so stupid!” 

“Nat and Clint are going to take the sniper out, I think.” Coulson motioned to the couch in his office.“Go ahead and get comfy. We’ll get it taken care of.”

Steve sat down with Bucky. “We’ll get you a ring!”

Bucky kept yelling for another minute then started to calm. “My ring?”

Steve stroked his hair. “Yeah. I’ll get you a ring.”

Bucky shoved his right hand into Steve’s face. “Stevie get me a ring?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah buddy. I promise.” He took Bucky’s hand and kissed the fingers gently.

Bucky forgot about the ring momentarily and squirmed on Steve’s lap making Steve aware that he needed a change badly. He grimaced as wetness seeped through his jeans. Damn! He groaned a little. “Aw crap! I didn’t bring any diapers for him.”

Coulson smiled a little. “That I can help with.” He got one of the young agents at his beck and call to run down to medical for changing supplies and a few juice boxes.

While they were waiting on that Coulson turned his comm on. “Nat, Clint, are you guys in position?”

Clint was in the vents on Steve’s floor after getting Nat’s text. How DARE someone go after Bucky?!And a SNIPER?? That was just insulting! He pressed the button on his comm. “In position, Phil.”

He heard Natasha. “Yep. Looking for the target.”

He looked around from his vantage point but saw nothing. Where would a sniper hide to take out another sniper? Although, Bucky was definitely incapacitated right now. It made Clint so angry. He’d had a short stint with mind control and still suffered the fallout. He would protect Bucky from these stupid Hydra bitches!

He waited patiently. A few minutes later, his comm buzzed softly. It was Tasha. “Eyes on the sniper.”

“Where?” He shot back softly.

“Three storeys up, on the office windowsill across from Steve’s bedroom.”

Clint thought through his options. He could probably get to him unseen if he used the maze of ductwork. Instead of getting out of the vents, he climbed higher in the maze of square pipes. He knew these vents intimately. He used them to drop in on his friends regularly. Usually scared the crap out of them too but that was beside the point. 

He knew one of the ducts led to an exhaust outlet on the outside of the building on the side facing the high rise office piece of the compound. It wasn’t great for proximity to Steve’s apartment though but he was a good shot. It was probably over a hundred yards away. Clint knew he could shoot that distance no problem.

He got to the vent cover and peered through the slats. He could see the guy, a hundred and seventy yards away, gun trained on the bedroom window, three floors down. It was a fairly long way and Clint would have to shoot up as well he was a storey under the target. “Damn,” he whispered.

“What’s wrong?” Natasha asked immediately. 

“Nothing. Just a tricky shot,” Clint answered. He carefully unscrewed the vent cover. He got in position so he could kick the cover open and shoot at the precise moment so the sniper wouldn’t have time to move or shoot first. His eyes didn’t move away from the sniper almost two hundred yards away.

He obviously wasn’t expecting anyone because he was casually crouched on the wide ledge, snacking on something.

Clint rolled his eyes. Not a very good sniper. He should be on high alert.

He silently snapped open his compound bow and loaded an arrow. He knew any movement would alert the sniper and he’d lose his shot. He had about five seconds to push the vent cover open and shoot. 

Eyeing his target carefully, he lined up, pausing to get his confidence up. 170 yards was a long way. Any wind at this height could make his arrow steer off course. He didn’t want to think what might happen if he missed. He kicked the vent open with his heel letting his arrow fly at the same moment.

There was a surprised yell as the sniper started to fall, an arrow lodged in his calf. He grabbed a window ledge a storey down, struggling to pull himself up. He was looking around wildly for the source of the shot. 

Clint loaded another arrow fast, berating himself for missing the mark. The target was across from him now. He shot again, this time sinking the arrow straight into the man’s back, under the shoulder blade and through his heart.

The sniper fell like a stone to the concrete roof seven storeys below. Clint made a face. “Eww.”

“Got him,” he said to Tasha and Coulson.

“I saw,” she replied. “Notified clean up.”

Coulson pushed his comm to silent. He was trying to work on his briefings despite Bucky’s tantrums.

He was only wearing a diaper and a T-shirtbecause he’d soaked through his pants before Steve changed him. 

That had caused a tantrum. He was still upset that his ring was missing and that had caused a huge outrage even though Steve had explained about it at least four times. He would forget and bring it up every five minutes.

He wasn’t happy about anything, really.Steve sat on the couch with him and tried to calm him down. “He’s tired.”

“They got him,” Phil informed Steve, “Nat just told me Clint shot him off a window ledge.”

Steve grimaced. “One of my windows?”

Phil asked Clint. “No. He said it was on the office side of the compound. He won’t be back.”

“Ok good. Sorry about this.” Steve got up. “Hey, Buck. Let’s go back upstairs.”

“To get my ring?” Bucky asked again, obsessed with the subject.

Steve sighed. “I’ll get you a ring, buddy. I promise.”

Clint was standing in Steve’s kitchen, leaning casually against the table, munching on an apple when they walked in. “Hey Steve.”

“Hey,” Steve said, used to Hawkeye’s sudden appearances. It was a good thing he wasn’t jumpy. The archer seemed to enjoy showing up at any time, dropping out of the vents unannounced. 

Bucky stopped at the doorway to the kitchen, on guard, eyeing Clint. He looked at him suspiciously, hands twisting in his shirt nervously. “No! Fuck off!” But he didn’t sound as angry as usual.

Clint smiled. “Hey Bucky. Nice to finally meet you. I’m Clint. SHIELD sniper,badass archer and,” he motioned to Bucky with his free hand. “Fellow diaper buddy.”He pulled the waistband of his blue jeans down just a bit so Bucky could see the white plastic.

Steve was already aware of this. Loki’s mind control had done a number on Clint in New York.

Bucky relaxed a little, staring at Clint’s crotch. “No shit! Why you have diapers?”

Clint shrugged one shoulder. “I was mind controlled a while back and it messed somethin’ up. Can’t control my bladder now. How about you?”

Bucky shrugged. “Cuz. Steve’s gonna get me a ring.” He pointed to his finger.

Clint finished his apple. “Cool. I haveta go report to Coulson. Later, buddy!” He swung up into the vent and disappeared.

Bucky watched him go. “Buddy,” he echoed and then turned to Steve. “Cool. I’m hungry.”

Steve grinned. “Good. Me too. How about some pasta?”

Bucky nodded. “And apple juice?”

Steve opened the fridge, pulling out a juice box from the recently purchased package. “Yeah Buck. Apple juice too.” He put the straw in and gave it to him.

“And after lunch we get my ring?”

Steve fought for patience. “Sure honey. After lunch.”

“Okay.” Bucky walked into the living room, happily sipping his juice. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the reads, kudos and comments guys! I appreciate them very much!!

Bucky had to wait a little longer than after lunch for his ring but he stopped freaking out about it when Steve promised that it would be worth it.

It was actually about three weeks.

Three weeks of positive changes that Steve noticed. Bucky was becoming more focused on what he wanted. And he wanted Steve.

Anytime they showered or bathed, it ended with him asking for a play.Steve wasn’t about to say no. He enjoyed their time together.

Bucky liked the little kisses he peppered on his cheeks. He started giving little kisses back as well. It was all new to him.

He loved when Steve played with his cock piercing. The moans and throaty gasps he could elicit from playing with it made him have wet dreams more than once.

Steve was almost considering getting one himself. It looked fun.

Their sex life wasn’t the only thing getting better though.

Bucky was learning to trust Steve too. He let Steve give him back rubs. The meltdowns weren’t as long anymore as long as Steve was the one restraining him, and Bucky was starting to make friends with the rest of the team.

Clint had started hanging out a lot more and Bucky was becoming accustomed to it. Clint was always careful to bequiet and that helped as well. They seemed to have formed an unspoken bond as “diaper buddies” though exactly what that was Steve couldn’t have explained.

He was coming to love Bucky deeply. Moreso even than when they’d both been young. There was an added element now that had never been there before.

Steve pondered it for several nights before reaching a conclusion. One night after Bucky was asleep, Steve and Natasha had a long talk.

”I think I wanna be with Bucky forever,” he said softly, feeling like the question was almost a betrayal of trust, it was so personal.

She didn’t tell him he was stupid. She asked him the hard questions and he appreciated it. “What are you gonna get out of it?”

He didn’t have an answer immediately but she said she didn’t need one.

Bucky still asked about his ring periodically in the three weeks and Steve assured him he hadn’t forgotten, that he was planning something. Bucky forgot what he’d said and asked the same question two days later. Steve just smiled and kissed his nose. It was something he was learning to deal with. Bucky’s memory wasn’t good. He couldn’t remember things very well at all.

Steve picked a night where the whole team could be present. Bucky had reached another milestone.

Between Steve’s patient guidance and help from Phil, Clint and Natasha, he had started eating more than just bread and drinking apple juice.

Steve had cooked homemade hamburgers and fries for the whole team. He gave Bucky a plain burger with a bun beside it and a glass of milk. Bucky tentatively ate small pieces of meat and sipped his milk.

Steve sat down beside him, feeling covertly for the small velvet jewellery box in his pocket. Satisfied that it was still in it’s place, he dug into his loaded burger.

Bucky pointed a finger at the lettuce on Steve’s burger. “What’s that?”

“Lettuce.” Steve tore a small piece off, but Bucky shook his head.

“I don’t eat that.”

Everyone, except Bucky, was aware of why the whole team was gathered for dinner. That was also an accomplishment. As long as there wasn’t too much noise, Bucky was okay being around everyone. As soon as it got too noisy he went off like a lit firecracker.

At first, Tony had made disparaging remarks but now he and everyone else understood that Bucky wasn’t just being awful. It was his brain injury that caused the big reaction to small things.

Steve had cooled some fries for him so he wouldn’t burn his mouth. “Here Buck. Fries.”

Bucky stuffed several fries into his mouth, chewing awkwardly. Steve ignored it pointedly. It would probably always be a work in progress.

When the burgers and fries were devoured, Pepper presented Bucky and Steve with a surprise vanilla cake with strawberry icing. No one yelled or clapped. Just smiled.

Bucky looked at it. “What’s that?”

“Cake,” Steve said. “It’s yummy.”

Bucky looked at it uncertainly. “I dunno, Steve.”

Steve cut him a piece. “Give it a try. If you don’t like it you don’t have to eat it.”

Bucky stuck a finger into the frosting and licked it experimentally. He looked startled at the sweetness. “Oh.”

The team swallowed back their laughter at his obvious enjoyment. It didn’t take long for the piece to disappear. “More!” He demanded.

“Nice words,” Steve reminded. He’d been working hard on reminding Bucky to say please and thank you.

Bucky frowned and for a moment it looked like a tantrum might win out but then he seemed to remember. “Thank you?”

Steve smiled. “Good boy.” He gave him another piece.

“Close enough,” Natasha giggled.

Once Steve had washed Bucky’s hands and face of frosting and cake crumbs, he said, “Buck, I asked all my friends to eat dinner with us because I have something really special to ask you.”

Bucky shrugged. “Okay.”

Steve took his hand. “Let’s go sit on the couch.”

Bucky motioned to the cake. “But....cake.”

”Little later,” Steve promised.

Everyone trailed after them. Tony was almost vibrating with excitement. Nat was glowing with happiness. Clint was all smiles. Pepper looked ready to cry.

Steve sat down and pulled Bucky down beside him. “I promised to get you a ring for the one you lost. Right?”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah?”

“It took me awhile to find the perfect one, but I found it.” Steve pulled the small black velvet box out. “Before I give it to you, I have a special question for you.”

Bucky pulled his eyes away from the box and looked back at Steve. His cheeks were all pink like he was nervous or excited. His blue eyes were sparkling. Bucky smiled. “Your eyes are doing that pretty, sparkly thing, Steve. Makes you look so hot!”

A grin spread across Steve’s face. Bucky had learned what the term “hot” meant in regard to a lover and he used it often. “I’m glad. Can I ask you my special question now?”

Bucky nodded. “Sure.”

Natasha drew in her breath, waiting. Pepper put a finger to her lips to stop from squealing. All eyes were on Bucky.

He only had eyes for Steve. 

Steve took both of Bucky’s hands in his, gently twining Bucky’s fingers with his. “Bucky, I love you. I want to love you forever. Is that okay with you?”

Bucky thought for a moment. “Okay.”

Steve continued. “The ring I picked is a really special one. It says that I want to be with you forever too. Because I love you so much. Do you understand?”

Bucky tried to process the lengthy speech. “The ring means you love me lots?”

Steve nodded. “It means I love you forever.”

Bucky’s face fell and he looked at their fingers instead. “Steve, maybe forever is too long. I’m kinda broken. That doctor said I’m not gonna get better.”

Steve blinked back the tears that came to his eyes. “I know.” He slowly pulled one hand free and tipped Bucky’s chin up so he could see his lover’s eyes. “Forever is just the right amount of time for me to love you and take care of you.”

Bucky wanted to believe him! “I like loving you too, Steve. I’m just scared you’ll get tired of me.”

Steve shook his head, softly wiping an errant tear off Bucky’s cheek. “I could never get tired of you. You’re like a part of me that was missing and now you’re back and I finally feel whole again.”

Bucky was silent for a bit. “We’re like a puzzle. We fit just right?”

Steve nodded. “We do. We fit perfect.” He opened the box to reveal a plain rose gold band. “Bucky Barnes, will you marry me?” He asked softly.

Bucky looked at him and suddenly there were tears in his eyes again as he looked from the ring to Steve’s face. “Really truly forever, Steve?”

Steve nodded. “Really truly forever, Bucky.”

Bucky took a moment and then said, “Yes, Steve. Yes! I will.”

Steve carefully slid the ring onto the ring finger of his left hand.

He pitched himself into Steve’s arms, laughing and crying.

Steve held him tight, unable to stop the tears any longer.He looked up when he heard Pepper sob. He’d quite honestly forgotten that his team was there, he’d been so focused on Bucky.

Bucky was thrown into meltdown two minutes later when everyone gave them a rousing round of applause but Steve just pulled him onto his lap, gently rubbing his belly and kissing his ear softly. “You’re okay, babe.”

Bucky settled down, running his flesh index finger over his new ring in wonder. “Steve, does this ring mean that we’re still friends too?”

Steve chuckled softly. “Yeah, bud. Best friends forever. Till the end of the line.”

Bucky was satisfied with that. “Okay. More cake now?”

This caused everyone to laugh and Bucky frowned. “Fuck off!” Which they all knew now translated to, “You guys suck but I like you anyway.”

Pepper got up, wiping her eyes. “Definitely time for more cake.”

A few minutes later, they were all sitting around the table again, enjoying another piece of cake.

Steve glanced at Bucky. He was watching the light reflect off the ring.

Steve knew he would probably never be able to use words to tell Bucky the extent of his feelings for him. Bucky would never understand.

He’d realized a few days ago it didn’t matter. He would show Bucky every day what the ring stood for. When he forgot why they were friends, Steve would remind him. When he was melting down, Steve would be his anchor. When he was afraid, Steve would be his solid presence. 

He also knew marriage couldn’t be all one sided. Natasha had asked him in full seriousness what he felt Bucky could give him in a marriage.

Steve had taken some time to think about it and come up with an answer that even Nat had been satisfied with.

Bucky gave him the open, innocent honesty that he longed for. He didn’t have to guess where Bucky stood on issues. He didn’t have to wonder every day if Bucky loved him. He loved taking care of people and Bucky satisfied something deep in him that he hadn’t been able to feed before.

He felt Bucky nudge his shoulder. “Steve, change me!”

Steve smiled and got up. “It’s getting close to bedtime anyway. Thanks guys for being witnesses to our moment.”

Soft congratulations followed them out as they entered the elevator.

Steve pulled Bucky into his arms. “You smell funny.”

Bucky wrinkled his nose, looking adorable. “Yeah? So?”

Steve laughed. “Oh Bucky. I love you.”

Bucky grinned. “I love you too, Steve.”

The elevator door closed behind them and only Jarvis witnessed the passionate kiss they shared.

 

The End


End file.
